I’ve got a favour to ask! If you enjoy this conversation, please double check that you’ve liked the video and subscribed to the channel! That's a small way you can help us carry on doing this, really appreciate you! ❤🙏🏾
This one made me subscribe (and follow her on Linkedin lmao). I dig this channel and the work you and your team are doing, a ton. Thank you for another banger.
Done and Done. Please could you invite top executive of the Video Game industry. It's a crazy time for the eletronic industry, would love to hear their point of view.
I have noticed a lot of people interviewed on national public radio use the question inflection CONSTANTLY. I’ve been told it’s a regional thing - west coast USA? It is so hard for me to listen to - confusing
My only complaint is how she said huggers are weak basically. As a Latina it’s engrained in our culture to greet people that way, and while I don’t do it in corporate America, I’d be remiss not to say it’s ignorant on her part to say that hugging means your lacking in some department.
Having a good sense of humor and finding life fun and others - including people you don’t know - amusing ad interesting - wanting to know their stories - will get you far in life and draw people to you. It helps to actually be a people person. I was born into a fun, social, charismatic family. It’s was one of the greatest gifts they gave me. Love people in general. If you don’t have this, life will be more difficult. I’m not a “bar” or “party” person. Never needed to go looking for a social life. Great people are everywhere. Not being afraid of “others” is helpful. And finally, a smile always helps. Even if you’ve lost all your teeth, a smile will be your umbrella.
- resting face - no fake smiles, cheekbones - liking a lot of people makes you likeable 25:24 - aggressively liking people, assuring them of how much you like them - name in your head the cues you get from people - show your palms to people - use your hand gestures - open body language - charisma - warmth and confidence - eye-contact at the end of a sentence or when the other person is saying something important 60-70% - lower lid flex while listening to - downward inflection 1:09:44 - how to make someone agree with you 1:20:07 - involving people in what you are saying by asking questions „you wanna hear this?“ „you know how it has ended?“ 3 magic phrases: - i was just thinking of you - you are always so…. - last time we talked you mentioned… warmth cues: -tripple nod 1:17:07 -head tilt, like dogs do (while you‘re listening or when delivering bad news) 1:18:35 - leaning into people 1:21:10 - reaching 1:37:44 questions: -no asking how do you do -„are you working on anything exciting recently?“ -„what is your biggest goal right now?“ -„what book/movie character is the most like you?“ 1:53:20 dropping your shoe
I have one *suluxy* bag I got in 2019, it's the LV white catogram speedy. It's counter quality and it has a nice honey patina now, so the leather is real. I think whatever makes you happy go for it. I've seen LV with plastic leather and blood red glaze...
Its a struggle for people who dont intuitively used to use voice hands and has poor feeling of other person state. They are lucky to meet those who will see the soul behind social awkwardness and strange grasping for friends @@VanMan83
@@VanMan83it's not the same though. Trying to be liked and liking people. The first one is offputting. The second one is endearing, unless you really overdo it. It's the difference between faking being happy and actually living it.
Im autistic and this really teaches me how to communicate with others better! One of my hardest obstacles in life is communicating with others. Thank you so much!!!
It’s like masking 101 😂 feeling like you don’t got the memo, feeling like it’s always the wrong thing you say and show, shutting down? Thinking everyone is angry at you? Well it maybe made her the expert on communication; I’m just burned out and lost…
@@Rae-eu1zbyeah really, she says she solved her problem with "blueprints" for conversation etc... which kind of makes sense but i'm afraid it only means "stuff you write on your hand not to run out of conversation points".
I heard a talk the other day about a another lady who had been diagnosed with autism later in life. And how we as a country fail to address this fact. She had a hard time getting help as an adult bc all the treatment was tailored to kids
The host, you are excellent. I greatly appreciate you including those who are visually impaired or blind by stating “For those who cannot see, she is putting her hand up”. Thank you for being inclusive in this way ❤
"Stop competing on stages where you can't be your best, start creating rooms where you can" ... that was the most impactful sentence in the entire episode
Another few ways of saying this are; build with where you are and what is readily available to you. You can not be all things to all people. Lastly, there is already a Savior of the world, we don't need another one, but we do need supporters of saving.😅😊
I almost cried 14 minutes into this. I have muted my social cues, It has ostracize me for so many years. I can’t even begin to get into it. I am a pre law student and I will begin internships soon. This video has single-handedly boosted my confidence and optimism. Looking back I feel like a fool. So many people believed that I was snob or arrogant, and I could never understand why.
what an "a-ha!" moment. I've felt like that my whole life. other women seem to love gossiping on the phone, or at the school gate (or now in private chat groups) and I've never been interested, or good at it....
I won't dwell on the info but you two have this screen chemistry where both of you are so unafraid to express your "weaknesses" and you come across as vulnerable yet powerful which makes this podcast one of my absolute favourites because you are so human
She really knows how to communicate in a light manner, or communicate, period. This woman knows what she’s doing, making the conversation absolutely engaging and friendly. Better podcast for it! Thank you Steven for exposing us to these amazing people
@@bobbyjones9461 BINGO! She herself does not come across as genuine. We ALL have to put up a front out there in the wild. We can't be naked and vulnerable, which is the true self behind closed doors. As soon as we leave the house, we are all ACTORS. Everyone is full of it and making themselves out to be more than what they are. I'm just so SO tired of it all. I'm just tired of acting. I wanna go home and be me.
I’m one of Vanessa’s students. I’ve watched over 100 hours of her classes. It 100% transformed my life. I’m a short, introverted, bald guy. Many times when I’ve met people in person they looked shocked and said “I was expecting a 6’4” 300lb football player”. I always smile and think “thanks Vanessa!”
@@Earzone63he means he’s so charismatic that when they see him in person they are completely shocked that he’s the opposite of what they pictured in their minds.
The people you surround yourself with is soooo important. I had no confidence and worked in retail, most of my colleagues had given up trying to better themselves and hated their jobs, this made me feel very depressed as well. I knew this couldn't go on, after 3 years in the dead end job, I applied for a starter role in IT and loved it. The energy around me instantly changed and I was surrounded by positive supportive people. I have had 2 promotions in 2 years and my confidence has skyrocketed. I didn't know I had it in me all along. If you are in a bad working situation, break free! you wont regret it.
Her ability to simplify information and serve it to us in a way that we can resonate is outstanding. Amazing capacity to read people. This was an absolutely excellent interview. I found myself resonating with everything that she said, solidifying for me how much better I've become at creating a positive self image for myself. That validation feels good, and I hope that whomever sits through this interview, feels the same way. I hope those who take in what she's saying at face value, make the changes necessary for their betterment, cause she absolutely nails it.
Several years ago I read that being in a toxic relationship will eventually make you tone deaf to all emotions with everyone because your body, mind, and heart do that to survive the toxic relationship, however, doing that with the toxic person eventually makes you be that way with everyone else. It’s true. This video just made me realize that! I’m there. That’s so crazy! I never thought that I would lose my natural and genuine love and openness to others. Wow. Thanks for the revelation. Thanks for the opportunity to self evaluate my current state. Thank you for also showing me a path to recovering my old self.
I am right there as well. I am introverted, and as I recover from 2 toxic relationships, I am also wondering where my open personality went. This podcast helped with ideas on how to demonstrate being ready to make friends (not date) an basically relax into my new life.
that’s very controversial because that’s almost a victim mentality. Change your perspective for the better and i’m sure you’ll realize that that toxic relationship really didn’t mean much and you are YOU as a person
Vanessa is having way too much fun in this conversation. Frequently she covers her laugh as Steven gives some interesting point of view. But her eyes give away her thrill. She truly loves her subject.
@@Tuber80 Authentic? You think so? Survival of the fittest. Some of the most successful people on this planet are not there for being authentic. They know how to play the game and go after what they want, no matter the cost. Some sacrifice their dignity to get up high on the pedestal. I know how this world works now. Being yourself gets you nowhere, actually. It's finding that persona that doesn't care no matter what that makes it in the end.
Vanessa's description of not knowing how to build friendships, feeling awkward around people, and her experience of loneliness reminds me of myself. I appreciated this discussion so much.
This one hit so close to home. Being high in competence and lacking the right body language even with no wrong intentions made it so difficult to get thru the day when I had to deal with people in person. I am already feeling the change and I've only watched this twice.
This is probably one of my favorite episodes. Vanessa is right. Being warm and likeable is "contagious". I have never seen Steven with big smiles and giggles. Vanessa's positive energy was so contagious that even Steven was speaking faster to mimic Vanessa's speaking speed when she really got into it. I absolutely love the tricks that all of us can use to create those "micro positive moments" to impact friendships, love partners, business partners, interviews, public speaking, etc. Thank you so much for having Vanessa. I have saved this episode so I can share this with my niece and nephew. I want to teach them the real skills that will improve all aspects of their lives.
yeah! I was about to say that Steven was already feeling so much warmer within this conversation rather than his usual more stoic and professional persona
Saving this as well! I want to be a recovering awkward person. I swear I have good intentions and like people but I'm learning how to communicate especially with strangers and close relationships!
For someone who is giving advice on relationships and likeability, this lady has the most irritating voice and mannerisms - which make her highly unlistenable. She forgets that people like honesty in other people, not just airy BS
When she talked about how she used to feel, thinking everyone was mad at her, not being able to converse etc. I became very emotional because she was describing me. At the very least, now I know I'm not the only one.
Wow! This is incredible. She makes so much sense. As a lady of certain age, I have read, listened to folks for years, I can spot a person that tries so hard from a book they study, and have a chuckle. But people that I am genuinely attracted to, I can listen to for hours. Plus I act natural around them. This is so interesting. Thank you.
Holy crap! I use to be the person who fit in every where. Maybe not the “most popular” but liked by people when I entered a room. I’ve felt very different the last few years. I’ve felt like when I entered a conversation I kill it. I haven’t understood why. BUT 25 minutes into this podcast I’m getting it! Through COVID and the stress of the last few years I’ve begun to think “ I don’t like people.” That is not really true but I catch myself thinking that. Because of the last few years I feel guarded when I meet people. I lack trust. These are new feelings and I’m seeing through this conversation how these new feelings are changing my experiences with people. Fascinating!
Yes!! And i have had a similar experience. Thinking that i just dont have " it" going on socially anymore. Or that im getting old or something. This was probably the most personally informative and useful content i have heard in a very long time. One of the most amazingly insightful podcasts that i wish i had known years ago. This is the stuff we should learn in school. All backed by research. Powerful and im going to put it in practice starting today!
Not only lock down changed behaviours also Habit of always staring at i phones People's interest is down to zero in this fake new world of "ENFORCED" queer rainbow society and ENFORCED outing etc Original cultures aren't being accepted anymore! Old fashioned families neither ! Everyone and everthing needs to be in vogue and queer Homosexual at its peak Or even not to accept the biological sex It's hard to find the good old happy days without Enforcement or nEw wOrld OrDeR eTc😢😢😢
I want this woman to coach me. She is obviously good in what she does. This video is a gold mine. And I am leaving this comment here so that each time someone likes it or reply to it, I can always come back here to rewatch this amazing video. Thank you Steven for what you do for humanity.
I don't The irony is Vanessa is way too intense and really quiet unlikeable, as no way would I want to be friends with her. yet she is telling us how to be likeable lol.
@@brobinson8614she’s human. She’s not gonna be everyone’s cup of tea. She even states that this isn’t gonna make everyone like you, but it will help you find your people.
@@breyanam Yes true, maybe my words were too harsh. I imagine some people will like her. I used to be in sales to business owners and a lot of other sales reps, agents and consultants, I could spot their facade easily. The fake smile, the fake friendliness. She is similar. I'm not saying she's a bad person though, she's probably kind and caring. And some of the advice was good. I just could see it was a bit too similar to acting nice or acting likeable, which I personally find unlikeable.
@@brobinson8614 i like your way of thinking, i personally think she's showcasing how easily she can get to peoples hearts with her happiness and positivity. I prefer to stand along serious but authentic people instead of people who fake happiness to hide their interest and fool me. But her advice is really great. Also great for recognizing fake people easier
"Knowing what your resting default is" is sooo important, because people around me all seems to think I look angry when they first met me, it was only until we got to know each other that they realized that's just how I look.
Vannessa has described me 100%, I didn't know that I muted my cues. My conversations are so cold lacking warmth and competence, I can feel that I am boring, lately my phone never rings I have shrunk to an extent that I stay indoors but not anymore. This video has stirred my mind in a way that I have my first five goals ready for 2025. Watch the new me, I appreciate you.
25:53. 38 male here. This is kind of crazy because just a month ago I started making a point to greet as many people as I can when in public. While getting groceries, I'll say hey to 10+ people with a smile and good eye contact. I've noticed that people/strangers have been noticeably more receptive to me. Not all but most. I'm being first liker and people like me for it lol. This simple thing is making my life much better!!
As a teen, in highschool - and I’ve tried to continue - I would make it a point to give people a bright, cheerful smile (I would think of something funny or delightful to give the smile authenticity… as a result, I got a LOT of smiles and warmth in return. For those people who never smiled back, I took it upon myself to turn it into a challenge. A teacher’s wife NEVER smiled back… it took 4 tries to achieve an actual warm smile - keep in mind, I saw her very infrequently and I had to achieve the return smile WITHOUT talking to them. I’m terrible at actual conversation (and afraid of it) so I had to come up with a way to get people to be pre-receptive to me.
I love how this works so well in the States, but if you try to do that in France, especially Paris, folks will not trust you. They say, “It’s fake. “. It’s interesting.
@@thisbeem2714 Sorry to hear that. Connecting with anyone (eye contact/handshake) gives you hits of dopamine/oxytocin. Which stabilizes your mood & makes you feel good.
Being Canadian, that is normal for us. If for example you’re passing by someone on a walk it would be rude NOT to smile and say hi. I guess that is why ppl think Canadians are friendly because it’s true! For me, It’s giving compliments to strangers. Maybe it’s their hair, outfit, nails etc. I only say it when I genuinely mean it and I know it makes them feel really good! And always strikes up a conversation.
@@frikken20 That's interesting. I'm about to start listening from the beginning after joining the video in the middle. What are your thoughts after watching further on? Do you still feel the same?
This is 1 of maybe 5 YT videos that I want to watch again and take notes. Both of you did awesome but also, the connection with this wasn't forced, impersonal, too robotic nor too uneven (ex: teacher/student). It was more evenly respectful, informational, and natural. Love all the information. I studied psychology in college and have researched body language for years and this was more in depth and informative than most people who teach these things have done! Thank you!
Vanessa has blown my mind! Now I know.. I'm an Ambivert!!! It explains why I isolate, to recharge. But also how when isolating too much, my mental state starts to deteriorate. Also learned to PLAY THE WHOLE VIDEO. I would have missed some very valuable info if I skipped around to bookmarks like I normally do. THANK YOU
I think I used to be an extrovert, maybe, but from my 30s onwards I realised how much I valued my alone time. Now I can go a week without talking with a human, I have some issues interacting with people so this is going to help a lot. i'll need to watch it quite a few more times though.
I had never heard the term ambervert before, and could never work out where I fit, as in I never thought I was either an extrovert or introvert, I’m good at being by myself, but I know I also need to engage with people to feel more energised.
*Today I reached $220k. I am really grateful for all the knowledge and information you have given me over the past few months. I started with $15k in January.*
What an amazing teacher she had that told her to study it like a science. They had such a profound impact on her life and now millions of other people benefiting from it. Some teachers are gold!
Everyone now talks about "Vibes". It's annoying because it's trite, yet we all know it's a thing. This lady is the master at actually identifyijg and deconstructing these "vibes" into actionable social concepts. Really incredible talk. Thank you.
What’s colloquially known as ‘Vibes’ are a scientifically identifiable thing in humans. This is done by measuring electromagnetic waves from the heart.
I really liked how her logic felt genuine and practical and not some slimey “gesture-hack your way to success”. Much more just calling out how things are already being perceived.
Honestly, she was very specific about conclusions I myself came to having experienced anxiety quite badly for a period of time. It's funny because you can learn so much from repetition when the common denominator is you that you start trialing different approaches and see that humans are very similar in how they react to things. Also, looking in a mirror and realising how crazy your expression is will teach you a lot about non verbal cues lol She's actually speaking facts ngl
Hiii, I just want to share a little bit of my story quickly and why I'm so grateful for this episode. I used to be an extremely outgoing, confident, positive, extroverted and "charismatic" person. At 22 I found myself in an extremely mentally and emotionally abusive relationship for 3 1/2 years. We remained living together for an extra 2 years. As a person he was highly antisocial, isolated, bitter and socially anxious. This was also over lockdown so there was a lot of isolation anyway. Over the course of that relationship all of my natural skills were eroded and moulded into his, I didn't realise it was possible but I essentially "forgot" or associated a fear responsive with my previous characteristics. I now feel highly fearful and awkward around people. I am currently on a journey back to my old self, trying to relearn the social cues and confidence I used to have naturally. This video is exactly what I needed and could not have come at a better time. Thank you so so SO much for sharing. ❤️❤️❤️
This story is powerful. Thank you for sharing. I also am trying to understand how i got here. I've always been an introvert but i could talk to people, debate and hold a conversation. I have a Master's degree but somehow my social skills have defaulted back to Elementary level. I used to be able to make points but now i can't. I used to have a personality and i even had a comical side that kept folks laughing. Now i can't connect and it's debilitating. But every day i practice to get it back. So far over probably advanced from a0 to a level 2. But I've got 8 levels to go.
i can relate!! different pathway but id say for the past decade ive become a recluse, thanks to a controlling partner. I'm not the same person i was, and actually I don't want to socialise with any of my old friends (various reasons, I think you can relate). my relationship isn't abusive, but i'm ready to leave, but I basically have no friends left (or maybe he orchestrated that?). Anyway, you aren't alone, and i'm the same journey! Maybe we'll each recognise someone else who is in the same situation, and have some grace for them too. xo
Why you women stay in these abusive relationships.... I effing do not understand this. If the same women have a good man, they f...cking run away. Why is this, why??
Joy. Compassion. Unconditional love. A world full of giggles and self acceptance. Knowing you’re perfect as-is. Not shiny or new, but wonderful for who you are. Just you. You don’t have to be anything else. To know you’re a good soul who does good in the world and when you mess up it doesn’t matter because you are and always will be loved. That’s the goal.
I love that someone who's an actual introvert/ambivert is doing this. I'm also autistic so this is something I truly needed to see. My communication isn't going to improve overnight, but this truly helps. Thank you Steven and Vanessa
Thank you bringing this genius to the fore. I am barely half way through and I can't even count the number of Wow! moments I've had already. I think everyone.... EVERYONE... should watch this communications masterclass... Pure gold...
I’m a new 70. I have never left a comment on your channel, and I wasn’t going to watch this because it’s long, but this woman is spot-on! She nailed it when she said iPods are ruining our culture. I see my son, who wants to make friends and find a new girl, yet I can’t even get his attention to ask him a question! He’s at school with iPods in. No one can get his attention. Thank you!! Great interview!
this was probably the most informative video i have ever encountered about psychology, as vanessa didnt hold any wisdom back, didnt direct people to her book to learn more and shared everything she could. this was so extraordinary to watch. thank both of you so much
I've been listening to Vanessa Van Edwards for years - even shared some of her videos with staff members who have reported to me. So important to remind ourselves how much our non-verbal language is just as impactful.
What a great conversation. Wonderful information and even better chemistry! At one point in my life, I worked for two ultra-Orthodox rabbis, and one of the first lessons they taught me was that it's considered extremely rude in their community to ask someone what they do for a living, as people are so much more than just their job. It’s a lesson that hit me deeply and I’ve never gone back to asking “what do you do?”.
It makes so much sense that Spaniards and Italians are so charismatic. They always use gestures to outline their words and emphasize their genuineness, which definitely helps them be two of the most likeable nations in the world. Stoicism and reserved character makes us fear, being open and unapologetic makes people like you.
@@jojowatchmojo Spain is just the second most visited country in the world (only after France) and considered the second most friendly (only after Canada), so I guess she means this world. But who knows!
I was bullied a lot growing up about a variety of things. Most of them rolled off of me, but one of them really stuck and has affected my confidence greatly. It's led to me assuming that I'm unlikable and unattractive to all women everywhere, despite all my efforts to be attractive, likeable, etc., which has, for obvious reasons, led to me being completely stunted in the romantic world. Thankfully, I have a very supportive, loving family and am successful and liked at work. Almost 30 and have never even had a girlfriend haha! Trying to grow, though. Since you're watching this, I assume you're trying to grow as well... I pray you all have great success!
You sound like a kind person with something to offer. If you’re interested in dating, you might ask a caring person to coach you and do some role-play in order to build your skills, and help you relax and be at your best when you meet someone special. Practice is preparation. Good luck.
I got made fun of a lot too! And I thought I was some hideous monster, so much so that, in college when a guy would flirt with me, I thought it was some cruel trick, like in that movie “Carrie.” I was probably 30 before I finally realized that I was much prettier than I ever thought. Bullying really sticks with a person.
I remember I began going to a church and at the beginning of the services, they would say loudly, “Everyone turn and greet everyone around you and say hello to any new visitors we have!”. I HATED this part of the service SO MUCH, and it’s not because I’m an introvert. It’s just because I rather HATE anything fake. After a few years of this dread, I finally took a different approach and decided to really actively participate and went around and grabbed hands to shake! I taught myself it forced myself to like it, and now, I cannot WAIT for that time of the service! 🏃♀️
This is a masterclass in people skills and emotional intelligence arguably one of the most important conversations to watch this year. Steven’s thoughtful questions and ability to draw out such actionable wisdom make this interview truly exceptional. Brilliant work, Steven this one is a game-changer!
There is no such thing as a objective "emotional intelligence" in the common way our societies use the term. You're right, though. She's very socially competent, and it's impressive.
Over the top. Try-hard. Manipulating psycho. I bet her new friends are stoked that even though they apparently "know" her, she still uses her Magic Phrases!!??
There is no such thing as emotional intelligence that exploits the authenticity of other people. Communication is not a tool, the words between them are. Are some people really that disgusting as to treat authenticity as sport.
I’ve watched a lot of self-improvement videos, Someone is FINALLY speaking my exact language. The words “I hate people” usually come out of me once a day. I’m barely 30 minutes in and I’ve already decided to buy anything and everything this brilliant woman writes.
I used to be that way too!!! I always assumed people wouldn’t like me, so I didn’t like them either. I concluded they were jerks while acting like a jerk myself. I honestly did not see this about myself until my husband came along. It was hard to hear. But changing the way I thought about people made a huge difference in my happiness.
Thank you for this interview! I have felt there is something wrong with me and I’m not very likable. I am 56 and have hardly any friends, no partner and struggle so much with relationships. I even got my MBA thinking it would help me in my career but my lack of confidence and low self esteem has kept me in more of survival mode. I am trying to thrive and create my own life. This is so helpful to hear. I think having these tools can help me with social skills and feel better about myself. Thank you for sharing this and being so authentic. I am hopeful!
"Thank you so much for sharing your journey so openly. The fact that you’ve taken the time to reflect and seek out ways to grow speaks volumes about your strength and determination. It’s never too late to build the life you want, and every small step forward is a victory worth celebrating. Remember, your MBA and everything you’ve already accomplished are proof of your resilience and capacity to achieve great things. Confidence is like a muscle-it grows with practice and patience. You are worthy of meaningful relationships and success, just as you are. I’m so inspired by your hope and willingness to create a life you love. You’re not alone, and the tools you’re exploring now will absolutely help you move toward thriving. Keep trusting in your journey-you are already on the right path!"
@@dawnbuchanan3242 bless you. Thank you for being so vulnerable. There is nothing wrong with you - you have simply discovered an opportunity for growth, which is admirable. We are all doing the best we can with what we have.
The study she mentioned about popular people really opened my eyes, even though the answer was so obvious!! I immediately think about some of the most likable people in my life, and the "first liker" concept is so true!!!
Truely caring about other people makes you liked instantly. Making other feel seen is such a crazy magnet for others. Simply asking others how they are doing will go a long way
I always ask people questions but so many never ask a question back. Other people's lack of social skills is an obstacle for those of us who understand how to chat.
@@activatembtcic7729 if im out shopping or eating fast food i will ttry to make the experience better for any staff i come across.....i think those sectors need some help cuz the rest of the world shits on them too much
I never ask people what they do for a living. I'm good at making connections so I had no plans to watch this for nearly 3 hours. But she is so intriguing, I Watched the whole thing!
@Photik be nice to everyone, don't judge, give compliments, if you like something (their hair, car, their accent, anything) say so! Gosh, there's a lot. She hit a good many.
@@Photik you gotta like people, actually enjoy talking to people. Despite how selfish and shallow they can be sometimes. That curiosity needs to be there. "Agressively liking people" wont work if your social skills are decent but you have a lot to contempt for people.
I think there is a lot we can use but there is a huge danger hidden here. It is about what she says about when people are low achievers and how they can influence other people in a negative way. There are many people who are low achievers because of illness or trauma. They need people that can lift them up. Should high achievers or people who want to grow avoid these people??? NO Low achievers can offer you the learning to be humble and caring. So that is something that should be looked at and maybe explained more subtile and carefully. For the rest I thoroughly enjoyed her expertise. I have learned a few things. Thank you 😊
Your logic makes sense but reality can sometimes be brutal. As someone who wishes I could have someone lift me up, there are countless sayings and phrases that put out the notion that people can only help themselves. Even doctors are taught to not recommend things, because the patient is less likely to do it. Life is a contrarian hell.
Also then stay away from grocery shops and just drive your car straight to the dump cause guess what us low achievers cater to your needs all the time and guess what? you need us and we don't need you.
Excellent interview, so well done by you Steven in asking and getting the best out of Vanessa. And then Vanessa was so perfect in articulating all those nuggets of wisdom. Even though it was almost 3 hours and that's what got me apprehensive about starting the video, having watched it in its entirety, I think I'll need re-watch some bits again!
@@DEXTROBILL I see this gesture as a reflection of an abundant mindset, where gratitude flows freely, regardless of the recipient's financial status. Giving isn’t always about the material need of the other person; it’s about acknowledging value, showing appreciation, and aligning with the principle that generosity invites more good into one’s life. For the giver, this donation represents more than money-it’s an investment in something they found meaningful and transformative. Steven may be a millionaire, but the insights and wisdom shared in Diary of a CEO clearly resonated deeply. Acts of gratitude like this show that when someone finds value, they choose to give back-not out of obligation, but from a sense of appreciation and abundance. That’s something worth respecting.
@@DEXTROBILL Funny how seeing the world through a lens of abundance and gratitude is often dismissed as unrealistic by those who prefer to stay tethered to cynicism. But hey, we all choose the worldview that best serves us, right? Some choose scarcity, others choose abundance. I know which one feels better-and works better-in the long run. Cheers.
21:48 when she spoke about how lonely it is not knowing how to be social is so relatable, absolutely loved this discussion. I have always wondered how I can be more genuine and likable
I haven't watched this interview yet, but her classes helped me a lot, namely the on Creative Live. I'm neurodivergent introvert, and very open and unmasked with my friends. But having the skills to network and socialize made it easier. Because if you can't do that, it's harder to be in situations where you can find your people. It's a survival tool. It helped me a lot, but at the same time the real friends I got from being real. Also, realising that actually a lot of people struggle making friends at some periods of their life is quite freeing. It's okay to make an effort.
The chemistry between you two is great in this interview! It’s like you’ve been best friends for years. So many great studies and info as well. Well worth the watch! ☺️
@@HikeandseekJennyD Yes, mirror neurones. They are a VERY good reason for not doing Botox if you want to be warm, likeable, and a body language-type communicator. Half of the USA has blank plastic faces. No wonder they all seem to hate each other. ( too soon?)
Wow! I listened during my 30 minute-break. Then continued after work on my drive home. Walked in my kitchen started baking listening to this until the end! Vanessa thank you for trusting the process! You totally inspired me!!!!
i can’t believe it i passed this video many times… only until i decided to make changes within myself this 2025…to improve my social skills (very introvert) i decided to click on it… 3 hrs that went so fast lots of very good information.
This is my first time hearing Vanessa, and Im extremely impressed with her understanding of human interaction. I started watching the video, doubting I would gain any insight, but the more I listened, the more I realized just how little I value the cues of day to day interaction. She has packaged it all together in a way that I now understand that I need to diligently practice using and noticing the cues in my life. Thank you for this interview. I am grateful for the insight.
Literally the piece of advice that i give everyone regarding avoiding being overwhelmed: 'dont be afraid to be vulnerable.' Admit when you need help and surround yourself with those willing to offer it. LOVE that she mentioned vulnerability.
I found this video when I couldn’t sleep last night… I’m 29 and I want to be a recovering awkward person. I hope to keep revisiting this video as it blew open many walls in my brain !!
Seriously i am only halfway through and I feel like this video has already distilled my 6-7 years of researching body language and attempting to execute on that. I wish I could subscribe 2 times for the amount of value that's in this video. Thank you!
I actually took maybe a dozen of this woman's classes several years ago, and it radically improved my social interactions. But just 5 minutes into this video, I had already learned another dozen things I could do to improve my communication even further.
I love when someone is knowledgeable about their craft, skill of something they've studied and are passionate about. It makes it so much easier to listen to. I've learned so much!
@@123f89 they are in the description of the video. First one is "Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People". Second: ‘Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication'. I think that the first one was more helpful to me personally, but both are great. I've had troubles in communication since I was a child, I was very shy, and to this day I always feel kinda nervous when talking to people. And these books taught me all those small questions and things to say in order to make interactions a lot better, from my side.
The parts on giving presentations, building rapport, making good first impressions was really great, really refreshing! This is definitely her area of expertise. Brilliant! . . . The bits on social anxiety are a little 'off' in terms of research. The research shows that approx 97% of people who suffer from social anxiety disorder DO NOT lack social skills. The problem is that they fear a negative evaluation from others. It is this fear which inhibits social performance. . . She also gives some great ideas for improving social interactions e.g., 'what are you working on at the moment?', asking better questions etc.
When I was struggling with trying to find my career path and working jobs that were more or less a means to an end I HATED the question “what do you do?” It kicked up so much shame because what I “did” didn’t define or represent who I was in the least. I ultimately found something I do indeed love for work, but for most people that’s really not the case. I’m really happy she brought that point up, it’s such a good question to move away from when trying to get to know someone.
I find it quite rude when I’ve just met someone and 2 minutes later they are asking me where I work? It happened to me recently - I was at an event (not work related) and a man in the seat behind me introduced himself and then straight away “so do you work around here?” I just said “no” and turned back round in my seat. Just weird - I’d never ask a complete stranger that.
I really appreciated how she explained ambiverts in such depth. As an ambivert myself, it’s refreshing to see our experiences highlighted, especially since the focus is often on extroverts and introverts.
Just discovered Vanessa, and she's absolutely fabulous, incredibly insightful, playful, funny, endearing, and someone I wish I could hang out with in a nice quiet coffee shop ☕ ❤
Wow, the best thing to show how great it works what Vanessa is talking about is by seeing how different Steven is in this interview compared to the others. He is always very interested and scrutinizing, which I like, but here I found myself smiling more and thinking, "He's cute." I never, ever thought he was cute before, and this is like the 100th video I've watched! I always thought I liked his competence, etc., and that's why he is my favorite interviewer, but after seeing this, I just thought he must also be a nice person in general, as opposed to only being a competent interviewer. She obviously made him much more approachable and warmer just by being as she was-MAGIC!
Can I just say, you have one of the best podcast around!! You bring soooo many amazing people on here with the best knowledge and information to share with us. You have helped me in sooooo many ways!! You don’t just bring “famous” people on, you bring people on with truth and positivity and information to help us all get better ❤ you are amazing! Thank you for all the knowledge with the people you bring on to your show! I look forward to watching every single episode!! You’re the best Steven 🩷🩷 & thank you to this amazing woman! She really is beautiful inside & out!! Thanks guys xxxxxxxx
I spent my 20's keeping my eyebrows raised and making friends with everyone. I'm an INTP. It was exhausting truly, and the only thing I have to show for it is a bunch of strangers on my Facebook feed.
"INTP"🤣 - dude. Those labels from your generation are nonsensical, neurotic and partially narcissistic. The need nowadays to label oneself to feel special is SO exhausting. lol. Sure, I have asymptomatic Tourettes. But seriously - Literally every person is fully or partially introverted, intuitive, thinking, and perceiving. You're just a normal person with no strong ego YET, because you didn't reach success yet. And that applies to every young 20 something year old person as I suspect you are. The remedy to that is not to be diagnosed or diagnose yourself and feel special, carrying it as a label on a tablet in front of you. But to go out and become something, somebody. Then the introverted feeling goes away and you are left with intuitive, thinking, and perceiving - which are totally NORMAL features, that EVERY human possesses. So I'm sorry to inform you: You are not special. Being introverted is part of every human. Using it as a definition of yourself, puts you in a cage. And that's only the tip of the iceberg. INTP is absolute nonsense as a diagnosis. Absolute BS. As many other newfound "diagnoses" which fall under the category of self fulfilling excuses and mantras. you have to get out of your own matrix. honestly. good luck.
I have followed Vanessa Van Edwards for years and taken one of her classes. I love her teachings and how upbeat she is. I'm so excited to see her on your channel!
Nope. The verse goes: “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” ESV edit-IMHO, the key point and nuance here being "many companions", as opposed to some.
I’ve been a hairdresser for 9 years and I have very good relationships with my clients and I never realised that I actually do most of the cues to make people feel comfortable and/or trust me! Very interesting!
Theory comes from practice! The things that work are naturally used is by people who are good at it, the theory behind it comes from analysing the practice, this is just your confirmation that you are these things
Fellow labeled 'smart' person here- Ive always been terrible at social skills and avoided making many connections in undergrad and I regret it SO much now. Im in grad school now and hoping to network better now. Thank you sososo much for this video!
I’m a 76 years young lady. I have learned just be authentic, be friendly, honest, be yourself. I have always been a people pleaser, confident and positive personality. Through the years I have worked with or encountered strong personality. As a stewardess with Continental Airlines, employed as a financial/accountant in banking and then the medical field. This is great information for an employee in the HR department. Been there in that position, office management. The classes were focused on challenges on being a Confident Interviewer / Body Language / Personality. Great class to communicate clearly, listen, be empathetic , acknowledge the conflict immediately with tense moments. Quickly getting back order in the office to prevent issues from exploding. Learning how to diffuse issues for tense situations. Seriously, those classes were so useful though out my life. Especially, when employees have strong issues with each other. Each morning, we would have a motivational team talks. We stressed, stepping out, take a break and calming yourself. Before I retired, hardly a day would pass without someone with fiction. I actually worked with eight woman with a strong personality’s, that were educated with a medical background . Retired now✌🏼🍷🍾
Because it costs them their jobs. Not everybody gets to just be a real human being at work. So they figure out how to be whatever keeps them their jobs. Some take it further and figure out how to have a game face on and damage other people at work whenever they get a chance. Especially if the other person has things going for them both personally and professionally that the person in question does not.
OMG this is such a huge service to me! 24 minutes in and I'm thinking, that's me! From a very young age, I lost myself, trying to be like the ones that it seemed easy for. What are they doing that everyone loves them? Almost 70 now and excited to learn more! My mother would always say, "Put a pleasant expression on your face!" I hated that! But, I've caught my reflection and I get it. I also shut down when using my stories falls flat. Damn. Ordering the book now. Thank you, can't wait for the rest of the video!
Sometimes I have a hard times following up and finishing podcasts because they’re too long, but this lady is just so charming. She reflects what she teaches for sure 🙌🏻
This is the most amazing interview I've ever seen. She is so articulate, warm, competent and says things in a way that is so digestable. Everything she says is a new revelation. Love it
![VOD - Laink et Terracid // Wankil Gauntlet [1/3]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/FlkAsB-mf8c/mqdefault.jpg)
I’ve got a favour to ask! If you enjoy this conversation, please double check that you’ve liked the video and subscribed to the channel! That's a small way you can help us carry on doing this, really appreciate you! ❤🙏🏾
❤❤
Steven 💙
DRAMA DOES NOT JUST WALK INTO YOUR LIFE.
EITHER YOU CREATE IT. INVITE IT. OR ASSOCIATE WITH IT.🌹✨
This one made me subscribe (and follow her on Linkedin lmao). I dig this channel and the work you and your team are doing, a ton.
Thank you for another banger.
Done and Done. Please could you invite top executive of the Video Game industry. It's a crazy time for the eletronic industry, would love to hear their point of view.
Dr William Courtney, California, alternative medicine for terminal patients!
I have noticed a lot of people interviewed on national public radio use the question inflection CONSTANTLY. I’ve been told it’s a regional thing - west coast USA? It is so hard for me to listen to - confusing
I'm 80. I’m leaving this comment here so that every time someone likes it, it will remind me to come back!
You’re awesome!!!!
I just liked it, do come back. 💜
He didnt come back.
Come back!!!! Will you please give me a thumbs up so I will also come back?
Did they just social engineer a way to get a bunch of likes on a comment on a video about social engineering?
This video doesn't seem like it's 3 hours long because she is so engaging. She really practices what she preaches.
Exactly!
yeah ses energy draining to look at
It's closer to 2 hours long.
@@ksc7432 hrs 43 mins is closer to 3 hrs, not two hours. 17 mins away from 3 hrs.
My only complaint is how she said huggers are weak basically. As a Latina it’s engrained in our culture to greet people that way, and while I don’t do it in corporate America, I’d be remiss not to say it’s ignorant on her part to say that hugging means your lacking in some department.
Be genuine, be yourself, the world is hungry for authenticity. It’s through authenticity that we experience peace.
Agree apart from the world being hungry for authenticity. The world is like an addict, feeding on misinformation, deceit and apathy.
@@richardc861the world is full of people, all who are different. Maybe your world is like that but mine is not.
Beautiful
Putin is 100% authentic. Great advice.
@@richardc861 um, yes, it is - hence the hunger for authenticity
Having a good sense of humor and finding life fun and others - including people you don’t know - amusing ad interesting - wanting to know their stories - will get you far in life and draw people to you. It helps to actually be a people person. I was born into a fun, social, charismatic family. It’s was one of the greatest gifts they gave me. Love people in general. If you don’t have this, life will be more difficult. I’m not a “bar” or “party” person. Never needed to go looking for a social life. Great people are everywhere. Not being afraid of “others” is helpful. And finally, a smile always helps. Even if you’ve lost all your teeth, a smile will be your umbrella.
- resting face
- no fake smiles, cheekbones
- liking a lot of people makes you likeable 25:24
- aggressively liking people, assuring them of how much you like them
- name in your head the cues you get from people
- show your palms to people
- use your hand gestures
- open body language
- charisma - warmth and confidence
- eye-contact at the end of a sentence or when the other person is saying something important 60-70%
- lower lid flex while listening to
- downward inflection 1:09:44
- how to make someone agree with you 1:20:07
- involving people in what you are saying by asking questions „you wanna hear this?“ „you know how it has ended?“
3 magic phrases:
- i was just thinking of you
- you are always so….
- last time we talked you mentioned…
warmth cues:
-tripple nod 1:17:07
-head tilt, like dogs do (while you‘re listening or when delivering bad news) 1:18:35
- leaning into people 1:21:10
- reaching 1:37:44
questions:
-no asking how do you do
-„are you working on anything exciting recently?“
-„what is your biggest goal right now?“
-„what book/movie character is the most like you?“
1:53:20 dropping your shoe
Thank you so so much!!
Thank you ... 🎉 It's helpful
I have one *suluxy* bag I got in 2019, it's the LV white catogram speedy. It's counter quality and it has a nice honey patina now, so the leather is real. I think whatever makes you happy go for it. I've seen LV with plastic leather and blood red glaze...
God bless you, genuinely you didn’t have to do this but you did so thanks (restoring faith in humanity❤️)
Thank u for this comment!!!
"What makes us likeable is liking as many people as possible"
Wow that's a revelation and at same time so obvious! 😮
OK yeah.. but trying too hard to be liked... makes you... unlikeable.
@@VanMan83well yeah if it ain't authentic
Its a struggle for people who dont intuitively used to use voice hands and has poor feeling of other person state. They are lucky to meet those who will see the soul behind social awkwardness and strange grasping for friends @@VanMan83
@@VanMan83it's not the same though. Trying to be liked and liking people. The first one is offputting. The second one is endearing, unless you really overdo it. It's the difference between faking being happy and actually living it.
@@ArcaneEiroyou can't unautentically like someone. You can fake it, but that's not the same thing.
Im autistic and this really teaches me how to communicate with others better! One of my hardest obstacles in life is communicating with others. Thank you so much!!!
It’s like masking 101 😂 feeling like you don’t got the memo, feeling like it’s always the wrong thing you say and show, shutting down? Thinking everyone is angry at you? Well it maybe made her the expert on communication; I’m just burned out and lost…
I'm not autistic, and one of my hardest obstacles in life is exactly the same as yours. Good luck with it all. 👍
Her story sounds similar to my experience as an autistic person
@@Rae-eu1zbyeah really, she says she solved her problem with "blueprints" for conversation etc... which kind of makes sense but i'm afraid it only means "stuff you write on your hand not to run out of conversation points".
I heard a talk the other day about a another lady who had been diagnosed with autism later in life. And how we as a country fail to address this fact. She had a hard time getting help as an adult bc all the treatment was tailored to kids
The host, you are excellent. I greatly appreciate you including those who are visually impaired or blind by stating “For those who cannot see, she is putting her hand up”. Thank you for being inclusive in this way ❤
"Stop competing on stages where you can't be your best, start creating rooms where you can" ... that was the most impactful sentence in the entire episode
Another few ways of saying this are; build with where you are and what is readily available to you. You can not be all things to all people. Lastly, there is already a Savior of the world, we don't need another one, but we do need supporters of saving.😅😊
Sun Tzu the art of war!
you should add "for me" in the end of your comment bro
@@motivfame2726i think thats implied when anyone expresses an opinion!
@@motivfame2726i think thats implied when anyone expresses an opinion!
I almost cried 14 minutes into this. I have muted my social cues, It has ostracize me for so many years. I can’t even begin to get into it. I am a pre law student and I will begin internships soon. This video has single-handedly boosted my confidence and optimism. Looking back I feel like a fool. So many people believed that I was snob or arrogant, and I could never understand why.
Happy this video has had a positive impact on you 😊 nice to read !
We love you,you are great ❤Thanks for sharing 😊
@@Nilcmazi one of these days I’m gonna write a book titled “Mostly Hated” subtitle “I Don’t know Why”
“He who wants friends shall present himself as friendly”
You got this ☺️
“I always felt like I missed the memo that everyone got on conversation.”
What an eloquent way to illustrate it.
That statement is exactly how I have felt my whole life.
what an "a-ha!" moment. I've felt like that my whole life. other women seem to love gossiping on the phone, or at the school gate (or now in private chat groups) and I've never been interested, or good at it....
Been there 😢
Me too!
Same here 😢
I won't dwell on the info but you two have this screen chemistry where both of you are so unafraid to express your "weaknesses" and you come across as vulnerable yet powerful which makes this podcast one of my absolute favourites because you are so human
It's just hookup.
She really knows how to communicate in a light manner, or communicate, period. This woman knows what she’s doing, making the conversation absolutely engaging and friendly. Better podcast for it!
Thank you Steven for exposing us to these amazing people
I agree❤
She’s great at manipulating you . Feel like this is just a way to make everybody more and more fake
Love how into this coversation he is!
@@bobbyjones9461 BINGO! She herself does not come across as genuine. We ALL have to put up a front out there in the wild. We can't be naked and vulnerable, which is the true self behind closed doors. As soon as we leave the house, we are all ACTORS. Everyone is full of it and making themselves out to be more than what they are. I'm just so SO tired of it all. I'm just tired of acting. I wanna go home and be me.
It strikes me as spruiking yourself, a kind of mesmerising entertainment rather than depth.
I’m one of Vanessa’s students. I’ve watched over 100 hours of her classes. It 100% transformed my life. I’m a short, introverted, bald guy. Many times when I’ve met people in person they looked shocked and said “I was expecting a 6’4” 300lb football player”. I always smile and think “thanks Vanessa!”
what. when would they assume. this makes little sense
@@Earzone63he means he’s so charismatic that when they see him in person they are completely shocked that he’s the opposite of what they pictured in their minds.
I'm guessing you've got That Voice people quake for?!
@@troyberg6248 well he didnt get a voice from a body lang lesson. so his original comment is BS or he has more to explain.
@@Earzone63 Your comment makes little sense.
The people you surround yourself with is soooo important. I had no confidence and worked in retail, most of my colleagues had given up trying to better themselves and hated their jobs, this made me feel very depressed as well. I knew this couldn't go on, after 3 years in the dead end job, I applied for a starter role in IT and loved it. The energy around me instantly changed and I was surrounded by positive supportive people. I have had 2 promotions in 2 years and my confidence has skyrocketed. I didn't know I had it in me all along. If you are in a bad working situation, break free! you wont regret it.
Amazing! So happy your found “your room”. Congrats to staying authentic and thriving as a result! 🎉😊
ugh this warms my heart!! im so happy you decided to make a change! your courage and wanting better is inspiring. thank you for sharing ;)
Don’t be so weak
@@CrazyCoon100I was weak and there’s no shame in that ❤ I’m growing as a person everyday and I hope you do too.
Her ability to simplify information and serve it to us in a way that we can resonate is outstanding. Amazing capacity to read people. This was an absolutely excellent interview. I found myself resonating with everything that she said, solidifying for me how much better I've become at creating a positive self image for myself. That validation feels good, and I hope that whomever sits through this interview, feels the same way. I hope those who take in what she's saying at face value, make the changes necessary for their betterment, cause she absolutely nails it.
Several years ago I read that being in a toxic relationship will eventually make you tone deaf to all emotions with everyone because your body, mind, and heart do that to survive the toxic relationship, however, doing that with the toxic person eventually makes you be that way with everyone else. It’s true. This video just made me realize that! I’m there. That’s so crazy! I never thought that I would lose my natural and genuine love and openness to others. Wow. Thanks for the revelation. Thanks for the opportunity to self evaluate my current state. Thank you for also showing me a path to recovering my old self.
I am right there as well. I am introverted, and as I recover from 2 toxic relationships, I am also wondering where my open personality went. This podcast helped with ideas on how to demonstrate being ready to make friends (not date) an basically relax into my new life.
Wishing you the best. May you again be feeling the joy & lightness of life, even as you tackle the day-to-day tasks!
that’s very controversial because that’s almost a victim mentality. Change your perspective for the better and i’m sure you’ll realize that that toxic relationship really didn’t mean much and you are YOU as a person
Such an interesting thought. Thanks for sharing!
You could have just talked to a divorced man and saved yourself a lot of time....lol
Vanessa is having way too much fun in this conversation. Frequently she covers her laugh as Steven gives some interesting point of view. But her eyes give away her thrill. She truly loves her subject.
That's what she wants you to perceive
She's so authentic isn't she, it's beautiful.
@@Tuber80 Authentic? You think so? Survival of the fittest. Some of the most successful people on this planet are not there for being authentic. They know how to play the game and go after what they want, no matter the cost. Some sacrifice their dignity to get up high on the pedestal. I know how this world works now. Being yourself gets you nowhere, actually. It's finding that persona that doesn't care no matter what that makes it in the end.
@@ar4tx That's a bit cynical. Is there any thing that gives you joy in your life? No? I thought not.
she's just being american.
Vanessa's description of not knowing how to build friendships, feeling awkward around people, and her experience of loneliness reminds me of myself. I appreciated this discussion so much.
Me too
This one hit so close to home. Being high in competence and lacking the right body language even with no wrong intentions made it so difficult to get thru the day when I had to deal with people in person. I am already feeling the change and I've only watched this twice.
This is probably one of my favorite episodes. Vanessa is right. Being warm and likeable is "contagious". I have never seen Steven with big smiles and giggles. Vanessa's positive energy was so contagious that even Steven was speaking faster to mimic Vanessa's speaking speed when she really got into it. I absolutely love the tricks that all of us can use to create those "micro positive moments" to impact friendships, love partners, business partners, interviews, public speaking, etc. Thank you so much for having Vanessa. I have saved this episode so I can share this with my niece and nephew. I want to teach them the real skills that will improve all aspects of their lives.
yeah! I was about to say that Steven was already feeling so much warmer within this conversation rather than his usual more stoic and professional persona
🏁...the speed may have been fueled by 1 too many cappuccinos
@@kumakuma4260 Exactly. Steven is so much warmer in this conversation with Vanessa. ;)
Saving this as well! I want to be a recovering awkward person. I swear I have good intentions and like people but I'm learning how to communicate especially with strangers and close relationships!
For someone who is giving advice on relationships and likeability, this lady has the most irritating voice and mannerisms - which make her highly unlistenable. She forgets that people like honesty in other people, not just airy BS
When she talked about how she used to feel, thinking everyone was mad at her, not being able to converse etc. I became very emotional because she was describing me. At the very least, now I know I'm not the only one.
This interview feels like a treasure chest ! Thank you for putting content like this on YT for FREE.
so true! I can only find her book, online in hardcover and it's $56! yikes.
Right! It’s like themasterclass but it’s for free
Yes, so grateful
@@Jujugolfs totally!
Wow! This is incredible. She makes so much sense. As a lady of certain age, I have read, listened to folks for years, I can spot a person that tries so hard from a book they study, and have a chuckle. But people that I am genuinely attracted to, I can listen to for hours. Plus I act natural around them. This is so interesting. Thank you.
Holy crap! I use to be the person who fit in every where. Maybe not the “most popular” but liked by people when I entered a room. I’ve felt very different the last few years. I’ve felt like when I entered a conversation I kill it. I haven’t understood why. BUT 25 minutes into this podcast I’m getting it! Through COVID and the stress of the last few years I’ve begun to think “ I don’t like people.” That is not really true but I catch myself thinking that. Because of the last few years I feel guarded when I meet people. I lack trust. These are new feelings and I’m seeing through this conversation how these new feelings are changing my experiences with people. Fascinating!
Yes!! And i have had a similar experience. Thinking that i just dont have " it" going on socially anymore. Or that im getting old or something. This was probably the most personally informative and useful content i have heard in a very long time. One of the most amazingly insightful podcasts that i wish i had known years ago. This is the stuff we should learn in school. All backed by research. Powerful and im going to put it in practice starting today!
Me too, I used to absolutely love people and I’ve become so awkward and lonely as I approach 30
Typical nordic behavior 😉
Wow. I agree 100%
Not only lock down changed behaviours also
Habit of always staring at i phones
People's interest is down to zero in this fake new world of "ENFORCED" queer rainbow society and ENFORCED outing etc
Original cultures aren't being accepted anymore!
Old fashioned families neither !
Everyone and everthing needs to be in vogue and queer
Homosexual at its peak
Or even not to accept the biological sex
It's hard to find the good old happy days without
Enforcement or nEw wOrld OrDeR eTc😢😢😢
I want this woman to coach me. She is obviously good in what she does. This video is a gold mine. And I am leaving this comment here so that each time someone likes it or reply to it, I can always come back here to rewatch this amazing video. Thank you Steven for what you do for humanity.
I don't The irony is Vanessa is way too intense and really quiet unlikeable, as no way would I want to be friends with her. yet she is telling us how to be likeable lol.
@@brobinson8614okay brobinson
@@brobinson8614she’s human. She’s not gonna be everyone’s cup of tea. She even states that this isn’t gonna make everyone like you, but it will help you find your people.
@@breyanam Yes true, maybe my words were too harsh. I imagine some people will like her. I used to be in sales to business owners and a lot of other sales reps, agents and consultants, I could spot their facade easily. The fake smile, the fake friendliness. She is similar. I'm not saying she's a bad person though, she's probably kind and caring. And some of the advice was good. I just could see it was a bit too similar to acting nice or acting likeable, which I personally find unlikeable.
@@brobinson8614 i like your way of thinking, i personally think she's showcasing how easily she can get to peoples hearts with her happiness and positivity. I prefer to stand along serious but authentic people instead of people who fake happiness to hide their interest and fool me. But her advice is really great. Also great for recognizing fake people easier
Absolutely brilliant interview. Wish I’d seen this 30 years ago. Every serious young person should see this immediately.
Yes very important for young people
Agreed! I'm going to put the information to good use now at 47, but the difference it could have made hearing this in my 20's or 30's 😌
Yeah, me too. Reminds me of a book by Gordon Livingston, Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart,
Bot comment.
Shes my twin oh how i recognise myself in young adult years
"Knowing what your resting default is" is sooo important, because people around me all seems to think I look angry when they first met me, it was only until we got to know each other that they realized that's just how I look.
Vannessa has described me 100%, I didn't know that I muted my cues. My conversations are so cold lacking warmth and competence, I can feel that I am boring, lately my phone never rings I have shrunk to an extent that I stay indoors but not anymore. This video has stirred my mind in a way that I have my first five goals ready for 2025. Watch the new me, I appreciate you.
You are amazing already! I hope your year ahead is fab!
25:53. 38 male here. This is kind of crazy because just a month ago I started making a point to greet as many people as I can when in public. While getting groceries, I'll say hey to 10+ people with a smile and good eye contact. I've noticed that people/strangers have been noticeably more receptive to me. Not all but most. I'm being first liker and people like me for it lol. This simple thing is making my life much better!!
As a teen, in highschool - and I’ve tried to continue - I would make it a point to give people a bright, cheerful smile (I would think of something funny or delightful to give the smile authenticity… as a result, I got a LOT of smiles and warmth in return.
For those people who never smiled back, I took it upon myself to turn it into a challenge. A teacher’s wife NEVER smiled back… it took 4 tries to achieve an actual warm smile - keep in mind, I saw her very infrequently and I had to achieve the return smile WITHOUT talking to them.
I’m terrible at actual conversation (and afraid of it) so I had to come up with a way to get people to be pre-receptive to me.
I love how this works so well in the States, but if you try to do that in France, especially Paris, folks will not trust you. They say, “It’s fake. “. It’s interesting.
@@thisbeem2714 Sorry to hear that. Connecting with anyone (eye contact/handshake) gives you hits of dopamine/oxytocin. Which stabilizes your mood & makes you feel good.
@@Kp1985Christschild Just try giving a quick hey, how are you, and move on. If you want to build, give a compliment next or s/thing funny.
Being Canadian, that is normal for us. If for example you’re passing by someone on a walk it would be rude NOT to smile and say hi. I guess that is why ppl think Canadians are friendly because it’s true! For me, It’s giving compliments to strangers. Maybe it’s their hair, outfit, nails etc. I only say it when I genuinely mean it and I know it makes them feel really good! And always strikes up a conversation.
Came for a 5 minute listen, stayed the whole 3 hrs AND immediately ordered the book. Absolutely fabulous.
Same here!
Im 5 mins in and i feel like shes not quite answering his questions directly. We'll see how i feel as it goes on.
Same! Even missed my spin class! Truly fascinating incite.
You pretty much wrote my comment for me.
@@frikken20 That's interesting. I'm about to start listening from the beginning after joining the video in the middle. What are your thoughts after watching further on? Do you still feel the same?
This is 1 of maybe 5 YT videos that I want to watch again and take notes. Both of you did awesome but also, the connection with this wasn't forced, impersonal, too robotic nor too uneven (ex: teacher/student). It was more evenly respectful, informational, and natural. Love all the information. I studied psychology in college and have researched body language for years and this was more in depth and informative than most people who teach these things have done! Thank you!
Vanessa has blown my mind! Now I know.. I'm an Ambivert!!! It explains why I isolate, to recharge. But also how when isolating too much, my mental state starts to deteriorate. Also learned to PLAY THE WHOLE VIDEO. I would have missed some very valuable info if I skipped around to bookmarks like I normally do. THANK YOU
I think I used to be an extrovert, maybe, but from my 30s onwards I realised how much I valued my alone time. Now I can go a week without talking with a human, I have some issues interacting with people so this is going to help a lot. i'll need to watch it quite a few more times though.
Try reading Susan cain’s Quiet Power. You will understand a lot about yourself, not promoting, just a personal opinion.
Wowwww i identify a looot. Also with the main comment. We must be a special kind of Ambivert😅 @@brunetteXer
I had never heard the term ambervert before, and could never work out where I fit, as in I never thought I was either an extrovert or introvert, I’m good at being by myself, but I know I also need to engage with people to feel more energised.
What a great professor she had in college! That one conversation changed her life!
*Today I reached $220k. I am really grateful for all the knowledge and information you have given me over the past few months. I started with $15k in January.*
Please how ?
Am a born Christian and sometimes I feel so down 😭 of myself because of low finance but I still believe God 😔
It's Julie Gilberts doings, she's changed my life. A BROKER- like her is what you need.
$356K monthly is something you should feel differently about....
This is the first time I've watched a 2 hr pod cast from beginning to end. I usually watch for about 20 minutes. She's amazing.
You won’t get that 2hrs back…you best use it!
What an amazing teacher she had that told her to study it like a science. They had such a profound impact on her life and now millions of other people benefiting from it. Some teachers are gold!
Just goes to show everyone learns differently and teachers/professors should be able to do what hers did for her. ❤
Everyone now talks about "Vibes". It's annoying because it's trite, yet we all know it's a thing. This lady is the master at actually identifyijg and deconstructing these "vibes" into actionable social concepts. Really incredible talk. Thank you.
What’s colloquially known as ‘Vibes’ are a scientifically identifiable thing in humans. This is done by measuring electromagnetic waves from the heart.
She actually avoids talking about vibes. Vibes doesn’t fit her model of cues.
@@anubis4810
Vibes can also be interpreted as manipulative.
How are vibes “trite?” Funny
I can’t stand that!
I really liked how her logic felt genuine and practical and not some slimey “gesture-hack your way to success”. Much more just calling out how things are already being perceived.
Honestly, she was very specific about conclusions I myself came to having experienced anxiety quite badly for a period of time.
It's funny because you can learn so much from repetition when the common denominator is you that you start trialing different approaches and see that humans are very similar in how they react to things.
Also, looking in a mirror and realising how crazy your expression is will teach you a lot about non verbal cues lol
She's actually speaking facts ngl
Yes she tells you that you have to work on yourself not here's a cheat code to a good life.
Hiii, I just want to share a little bit of my story quickly and why I'm so grateful for this episode. I used to be an extremely outgoing, confident, positive, extroverted and "charismatic" person. At 22 I found myself in an extremely mentally and emotionally abusive relationship for 3 1/2 years. We remained living together for an extra 2 years. As a person he was highly antisocial, isolated, bitter and socially anxious. This was also over lockdown so there was a lot of isolation anyway. Over the course of that relationship all of my natural skills were eroded and moulded into his, I didn't realise it was possible but I essentially "forgot" or associated a fear responsive with my previous characteristics. I now feel highly fearful and awkward around people. I am currently on a journey back to my old self, trying to relearn the social cues and confidence I used to have naturally. This video is exactly what I needed and could not have come at a better time. Thank you so so SO much for sharing. ❤️❤️❤️
I relate 100%...am in the same journey back to my uninhibited self. Hope we all find our way!
This story is powerful. Thank you for sharing. I also am trying to understand how i got here. I've always been an introvert but i could talk to people, debate and hold a conversation. I have a Master's degree but somehow my social skills have defaulted back to Elementary level. I used to be able to make points but now i can't. I used to have a personality and i even had a comical side that kept folks laughing. Now i can't connect and it's debilitating. But every day i practice to get it back. So far over probably advanced from a0 to a level 2. But I've got 8 levels to go.
How are you doing now? Your story is so encouraging.
i can relate!! different pathway but id say for the past decade ive become a recluse, thanks to a controlling partner. I'm not the same person i was, and actually I don't want to socialise with any of my old friends (various reasons, I think you can relate). my relationship isn't abusive, but i'm ready to leave, but I basically have no friends left (or maybe he orchestrated that?). Anyway, you aren't alone, and i'm the same journey! Maybe we'll each recognise someone else who is in the same situation, and have some grace for them too. xo
Why you women stay in these abusive relationships.... I effing do not understand this. If the same women have a good man, they f...cking run away. Why is this, why??
Joy. Compassion. Unconditional love. A world full of giggles and self acceptance. Knowing you’re perfect as-is. Not shiny or new, but wonderful for who you are. Just you.
You don’t have to be anything else. To know you’re a good soul who does good in the world and when you mess up it doesn’t matter because you are and always will be loved.
That’s the goal.
I love that someone who's an actual introvert/ambivert is doing this. I'm also autistic so this is something I truly needed to see. My communication isn't going to improve overnight, but this truly helps. Thank you Steven and Vanessa
I’m only 30 minutes into this conversation and this woman is truly captivating. A very good orator and very likeable. Great guest.
Ah... the name of her book.
you should go join a cult
Indeed.
Unfortunately her topic then makes me assume it is fake.
I'd love to hear her on narcissists
"People who say they feel lucky, are rich - those who say they feel unlucky are poor" You're both rich, of course you feel lucky m kl oro ml ns pp
Thank you bringing this genius to the fore. I am barely half way through and I can't even count the number of Wow! moments I've had already.
I think everyone.... EVERYONE... should watch this communications masterclass... Pure gold...
I’m a new 70. I have never left a comment on your channel, and I wasn’t going to watch this because it’s long, but this woman is spot-on!
She nailed it when she said iPods are ruining our culture. I see my son, who wants to make friends and find a new girl, yet I can’t even get his attention to ask him a question! He’s at school with iPods in. No one can get his attention. Thank you!! Great interview!
this was probably the most informative video i have ever encountered about psychology, as vanessa didnt hold any wisdom back, didnt direct people to her book to learn more and shared everything she could. this was so extraordinary to watch. thank both of you so much
I can't believe one person has so much wisdom to share in so many areas of human communication.
I've been listening to Vanessa Van Edwards for years - even shared some of her videos with staff members who have reported to me. So important to remind ourselves how much our non-verbal language is just as impactful.
What a great conversation. Wonderful information and even better chemistry! At one point in my life, I worked for two ultra-Orthodox rabbis, and one of the first lessons they taught me was that it's considered extremely rude in their community to ask someone what they do for a living, as people are so much more than just their job. It’s a lesson that hit me deeply and I’ve never gone back to asking “what do you do?”.
Couldn’t keep my eyes off the screen during this talk. You can feel how fun both are having. Great convo!
I made notes
Hands down! I’m calling it right now for me, probably the most important, impactful interview I’ve watched in the last decade! Thank you!
Absolutely!
Unrelated & hopefully not unwelcome but, you’re gorgeous!! Love your hair ✨🤩
Yet she's unlikeable herself lol
That's because you're not very bright
SAME HERE! I am excited to try as many of these as I can to not only make more friends, but also keep and advance existing friendships!
The fact that nobody talks about forbidden books on Revandles is so insanee
Stupid bots everywhere
It makes so much sense that Spaniards and Italians are so charismatic. They always use gestures to outline their words and emphasize their genuineness, which definitely helps them be two of the most likeable nations in the world. Stoicism and reserved character makes us fear, being open and unapologetic makes people like you.
Lowkey.. in what world is Spain one of the most likeable nations in the world 😭 sorry
They are! @@jojowatchmojo
@@jojowatchmojo Spain is just the second most visited country in the world (only after France) and considered the second most friendly (only after Canada), so I guess she means this world. But who knows!
It's funny because I hate both of them 😂 I guess I just really dislike charismatic people.
You don't know what "stoicism" is. Admit it. 😂
I was bullied a lot growing up about a variety of things. Most of them rolled off of me, but one of them really stuck and has affected my confidence greatly. It's led to me assuming that I'm unlikable and unattractive to all women everywhere, despite all my efforts to be attractive, likeable, etc., which has, for obvious reasons, led to me being completely stunted in the romantic world. Thankfully, I have a very supportive, loving family and am successful and liked at work. Almost 30 and have never even had a girlfriend haha! Trying to grow, though. Since you're watching this, I assume you're trying to grow as well... I pray you all have great success!
Thank you for sharing! Wishing you the best on your journey☺️
Lots of life ahead of you to meet a gf who appreciates you.
You’re likable and attractive to me ❤
You sound like a kind person with something to offer. If you’re interested in dating, you might ask a caring person to coach you and do some role-play in order to build your skills, and help you relax and be at your best when you meet someone special. Practice is preparation. Good luck.
I got made fun of a lot too! And I thought I was some hideous monster, so much so that, in college when a guy would flirt with me, I thought it was some cruel trick, like in that movie “Carrie.” I was probably 30 before I finally realized that I was much prettier than I ever thought. Bullying really sticks with a person.
I remember I began going to a church and at the beginning of the services, they would say loudly, “Everyone turn and greet everyone around you and say hello to any new visitors we have!”.
I HATED this part of the service SO MUCH, and it’s not because I’m an introvert. It’s just because I rather HATE anything fake.
After a few years of this dread, I finally took a different approach and decided to really actively participate and went around and grabbed hands to shake!
I taught myself it forced myself to like it, and now, I cannot WAIT for that time of the service! 🏃♀️
I hated that as well. In my faith we don’t do that but we are trained to show genuine interest in someone new. I like that way better.
Omg I hate it too and I don't know how to get it done
Exactly the same for me ! Have had this EXACT experience..
How funny, I hated this as well. I would always run to bathroom to avoid having to greet people lol.
I thought I was the only one, I was so awkward as a kid when this came up I was so shy. 😂
I love you both!!! Not just for your talent. But, for your authenticity and your humbleness and your openness. I love it!
This is a masterclass in people skills and emotional intelligence arguably one of the most important conversations to watch this year.
Steven’s thoughtful questions and ability to draw out such actionable wisdom make this interview truly exceptional. Brilliant work, Steven this one is a game-changer!
There is no such thing as a objective "emotional intelligence" in the common way our societies use the term.
You're right, though. She's very socially competent, and it's impressive.
Over the top. Try-hard. Manipulating psycho. I bet her new friends are stoked that even though they apparently "know" her, she still uses her Magic Phrases!!??
I always like the 'what do I need to know that I haven't yet asked' type question.
There is no such thing as emotional intelligence that exploits the authenticity of other people. Communication is not a tool, the words between them are. Are some people really that disgusting as to treat authenticity as sport.
Masterclass on bullshit phoniness to get by in the corporate world.
I’ve watched a lot of self-improvement videos, Someone is FINALLY speaking my exact language. The words “I hate people” usually come out of me once a day. I’m barely 30 minutes in and I’ve already decided to buy anything and everything this brilliant woman writes.
I used to be that way too!!! I always assumed people wouldn’t like me, so I didn’t like them either. I concluded they were jerks while acting like a jerk myself. I honestly did not see this about myself until my husband came along. It was hard to hear. But changing the way I thought about people made a huge difference in my happiness.
@@LaSpastica90 but what if you genuinely don't enjoy people? I find it hard to spend time even with my family and friends.
Thank you for this interview! I have felt there is something wrong with me and I’m not very likable. I am 56 and have hardly any friends, no partner and struggle so much with relationships. I even got my MBA thinking it would help me in my career but my lack of confidence and low self esteem has kept me in more of survival mode. I am trying to thrive and create my own life. This is so helpful to hear. I think having these tools can help me with social skills and feel better about myself. Thank you for sharing this and being so authentic. I am hopeful!
"Thank you so much for sharing your journey so openly. The fact that you’ve taken the time to reflect and seek out ways to grow speaks volumes about your strength and determination. It’s never too late to build the life you want, and every small step forward is a victory worth celebrating.
Remember, your MBA and everything you’ve already accomplished are proof of your resilience and capacity to achieve great things. Confidence is like a muscle-it grows with practice and patience. You are worthy of meaningful relationships and success, just as you are.
I’m so inspired by your hope and willingness to create a life you love. You’re not alone, and the tools you’re exploring now will absolutely help you move toward thriving. Keep trusting in your journey-you are already on the right path!"
We are privileged to be lifelong learners. I celebrate your new growth
@@dawnbuchanan3242 bless you. Thank you for being so vulnerable. There is nothing wrong with you - you have simply discovered an opportunity for growth, which is admirable. We are all doing the best we can with what we have.
It really does not matter who likes you so long as you like yourself.
Be my friend! I’m 56, working on my MBA for all the same reasons. Thank you for sharing and being so transparently vulnerable.
The study she mentioned about popular people really opened my eyes, even though the answer was so obvious!! I immediately think about some of the most likable people in my life, and the "first liker" concept is so true!!!
It is incredible that she had same energy level throughout this interview that took me a month to finish.
LOL! She is goals
How can it take a month to watch an episode
Truely caring about other people makes you liked instantly. Making other feel seen is such a crazy magnet for others. Simply asking others how they are doing will go a long way
Simply asking will not go anywhere unless you indeed genuinely care
@@dariacorreia987 and sooo many people actually dislike being asked about themselves.
I always ask people questions but so many never ask a question back. Other people's lack of social skills is an obstacle for those of us who understand how to chat.
@@activatembtcic7729 I totally get that. But I simply found that these people are not interested in you, so why bother
@@activatembtcic7729 if im out shopping or eating fast food i will ttry to make the experience better for any staff i come across.....i think those sectors need some help cuz the rest of the world shits on them too much
I never ask people what they do for a living. I'm good at making connections so I had no plans to watch this for nearly 3 hours. But she is so intriguing, I Watched the whole thing!
What are your secrets?
@Photik be nice to everyone, don't judge, give compliments, if you like something (their hair, car, their accent, anything) say so! Gosh, there's a lot. She hit a good many.
Sameee
Me neither. Hate that question. As soon as someone asks me that, I know they're boring and I don't want to know them further.
@@Photik you gotta like people, actually enjoy talking to people.
Despite how selfish and shallow they can be sometimes. That curiosity needs to be there.
"Agressively liking people" wont work if your social skills are decent but you have a lot to contempt for people.
She is a container of so much info, and how she recalls it so effortlessly.
I think there is a lot we can use but there is a huge danger hidden here.
It is about what she says about when people are low achievers and how they can influence other people in a negative way.
There are many people who are low achievers because of illness or trauma. They need people that can lift them up.
Should high achievers or people who want to grow avoid these people??? NO
Low achievers can offer you the learning to be humble and caring. So that is something that should be looked at and maybe explained more subtile and carefully.
For the rest I thoroughly enjoyed her expertise. I have learned a few things.
Thank you 😊
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
I had similar thoughts while listening, I totally agree.
Your logic makes sense but reality can sometimes be brutal. As someone who wishes I could have someone lift me up, there are countless sayings and phrases that put out the notion that people can only help themselves. Even doctors are taught to not recommend things, because the patient is less likely to do it. Life is a contrarian hell.
I think mature fair ppl tend to want to be able and independent rather than just being ‘liked’.
Also then stay away from grocery shops and just drive your car straight to the dump cause guess what us low achievers cater to your needs all the time and guess what? you need us and we don't need you.
Excellent interview, so well done by you Steven in asking and getting the best out of Vanessa. And then Vanessa was so perfect in articulating all those nuggets of wisdom. Even though it was almost 3 hours and that's what got me apprehensive about starting the video, having watched it in its entirety, I think I'll need re-watch some bits again!
You must have money to burn to give 200 to someone who doesn't even register it.
@@DEXTROBILLhopefully it gets payed forward 🫶
@@DEXTROBILL I see this gesture as a reflection of an abundant mindset, where gratitude flows freely, regardless of the recipient's financial status. Giving isn’t always about the material need of the other person; it’s about acknowledging value, showing appreciation, and aligning with the principle that generosity invites more good into one’s life.
For the giver, this donation represents more than money-it’s an investment in something they found meaningful and transformative. Steven may be a millionaire, but the insights and wisdom shared in Diary of a CEO clearly resonated deeply. Acts of gratitude like this show that when someone finds value, they choose to give back-not out of obligation, but from a sense of appreciation and abundance. That’s something worth respecting.
That's an intelligent and lovely way to see the world. I wish I shared it.
@@DEXTROBILL Funny how seeing the world through a lens of abundance and gratitude is often dismissed as unrealistic by those who prefer to stay tethered to cynicism. But hey, we all choose the worldview that best serves us, right? Some choose scarcity, others choose abundance. I know which one feels better-and works better-in the long run. Cheers.
21:48 when she spoke about how lonely it is not knowing how to be social is so relatable, absolutely loved this discussion. I have always wondered how I can be more genuine and likable
I haven't watched this interview yet, but her classes helped me a lot, namely the on Creative Live. I'm neurodivergent introvert, and very open and unmasked with my friends. But having the skills to network and socialize made it easier. Because if you can't do that, it's harder to be in situations where you can find your people. It's a survival tool. It helped me a lot, but at the same time the real friends I got from being real.
Also, realising that actually a lot of people struggle making friends at some periods of their life is quite freeing. It's okay to make an effort.
Same
The chemistry between you two is great in this interview! It’s like you’ve been best friends for years. So many great studies and info as well. Well worth the watch! ☺️
We mirror each other and have so much in our control. ‘Being likable means you’ve got to be first liker’. 😊
High performer, you performance improves - Performer? An actor, your own performance - what do actors do. You've all be duped.
@@HikeandseekJennyD Yes, mirror neurones. They are a VERY good reason for not doing Botox if you want to be warm, likeable, and a body language-type communicator. Half of the USA has blank plastic faces. No wonder they all seem to hate each other. ( too soon?)
Wow! I listened during my 30 minute-break. Then continued after work on my drive home. Walked in my kitchen started baking listening to this until the end! Vanessa thank you for trusting the process! You totally inspired me!!!!
Same
When you get a chance, you should go back and watch it. Seeing them and seeing her act out the things she's talking about make a big difference.
i can’t believe it i passed this video many times… only until i decided to make changes within myself this 2025…to improve my social skills (very introvert) i decided to click on it… 3 hrs that went so fast lots of very good information.
This is my first time hearing Vanessa, and Im extremely impressed with her understanding of human interaction. I started watching the video, doubting I would gain any insight, but the more I listened, the more I realized just how little I value the cues of day to day interaction. She has packaged it all together in a way that I now understand that I need to diligently practice using and noticing the cues in my life. Thank you for this interview. I am grateful for the insight.
Literally the piece of advice that i give everyone regarding avoiding being overwhelmed: 'dont be afraid to be vulnerable.' Admit when you need help and surround yourself with those willing to offer it. LOVE that she mentioned vulnerability.
Vanessa is dropping wisdom and truth bombs with every syllable she utters!!! Just WOW. One of the best guests you've ever had!
I found this video when I couldn’t sleep last night… I’m 29 and I want to be a recovering awkward person. I hope to keep revisiting this video as it blew open many walls in my brain !!
Crazy how he's become this successful without thinking he's got a good smile
He didn't want to pretend.
But for most people, to have a good smile you need to have nice teeth.
voice and mood vibe
Seriously i am only halfway through and I feel like this video has already distilled my 6-7 years of researching body language and attempting to execute on that.
I wish I could subscribe 2 times for the amount of value that's in this video.
Thank you!
I actually took maybe a dozen of this woman's classes several years ago, and it radically improved my social interactions. But just 5 minutes into this video, I had already learned another dozen things I could do to improve my communication even further.
I love when someone is knowledgeable about their craft, skill of something they've studied and are passionate about. It makes it so much easier to listen to. I've learned so much!
This is the BEST Diary of a CEO podcast I have seen! How did I not know that this lady existed? She’s absolutely brilliant.
The teacher will come when the student is ready 😉
I've read both of her books and they've helped me tremendously in overcoming anxiety I have during small talks
wow.. sounds like i need to get the books. I have ADHD and i am not cooping so good.. So happy for you :-D
Can you share the name of the 2 books please
High performer, you performance improves - Performer? An actor, your own performance - what do actors do. You've all be duped.
@@123f89captivate - first book and cues - second book she also does courses - very good
@@123f89 they are in the description of the video. First one is "Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People". Second: ‘Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication'.
I think that the first one was more helpful to me personally, but both are great. I've had troubles in communication since I was a child, I was very shy, and to this day I always feel kinda nervous when talking to people. And these books taught me all those small questions and things to say in order to make interactions a lot better, from my side.
This is why RUclips is so addicting. So much incredible and useful knowledge to absorb.
The parts on giving presentations, building rapport, making good first impressions was really great, really refreshing! This is definitely her area of expertise. Brilliant! . . . The bits on social anxiety are a little 'off' in terms of research. The research shows that approx 97% of people who suffer from social anxiety disorder DO NOT lack social skills. The problem is that they fear a negative evaluation from others. It is this fear which inhibits social performance. . . She also gives some great ideas for improving social interactions e.g., 'what are you working on at the moment?', asking better questions etc.
as someone who rarely watches podcasts, i have been shilling this one everywhere, amazinggg
When I was struggling with trying to find my career path and working jobs that were more or less a means to an end I HATED the question “what do you do?” It kicked up so much shame because what I “did” didn’t define or represent who I was in the least. I ultimately found something I do indeed love for work, but for most people that’s really not the case. I’m really happy she brought that point up, it’s such a good question to move away from when trying to get to know someone.
I find it quite rude when I’ve just met someone and 2 minutes later they are asking me where I work? It happened to me recently - I was at an event (not work related) and a man in the seat behind me introduced himself and then straight away “so do you work around here?” I just said “no” and turned back round in my seat. Just weird - I’d never ask a complete stranger that.
I really appreciated how she explained ambiverts in such depth. As an ambivert myself, it’s refreshing to see our experiences highlighted, especially since the focus is often on extroverts and introverts.
Does she talk more about the study she mentions in 1:20 ? Too busy to watch the full video but cant find more in transcript!! Please help a girl out
Just discovered Vanessa, and she's absolutely fabulous, incredibly insightful, playful, funny, endearing, and someone I wish I could hang out with in a nice quiet coffee shop ☕ ❤
Wow, the best thing to show how great it works what Vanessa is talking about is by seeing how different Steven is in this interview compared to the others. He is always very interested and scrutinizing, which I like, but here I found myself smiling more and thinking, "He's cute." I never, ever thought he was cute before, and this is like the 100th video I've watched! I always thought I liked his competence, etc., and that's why he is my favorite interviewer, but after seeing this, I just thought he must also be a nice person in general, as opposed to only being a competent interviewer. She obviously made him much more approachable and warmer just by being as she was-MAGIC!
Exactly my thoughts too!
This is literally the best podcast I've ever watched. Coming from someone who has a lot of social anxiety.
Can I just say, you have one of the best podcast around!! You bring soooo many amazing people on here with the best knowledge and information to share with us. You have helped me in sooooo many ways!! You don’t just bring “famous” people on, you bring people on with truth and positivity and information to help us all get better ❤ you are amazing! Thank you for all the knowledge with the people you bring on to your show! I look forward to watching every single episode!! You’re the best Steven 🩷🩷 & thank you to this amazing woman! She really is beautiful inside & out!! Thanks guys xxxxxxxx
I agree! Always stellar guests!
facts
i agree!!
High performer, you performance improves - Performer? An actor, your own performance - what do actors do. You've all be duped.
I spent my 20's keeping my eyebrows raised and making friends with everyone. I'm an INTP.
It was exhausting truly, and the only thing I have to show for it is a bunch of strangers on my Facebook feed.
❤
Friends have to be kept ... not just made
"INTP"🤣 - dude. Those labels from your generation are nonsensical, neurotic and partially narcissistic. The need nowadays to label oneself to feel special is SO exhausting. lol. Sure, I have asymptomatic Tourettes.
But seriously - Literally every person is fully or partially introverted, intuitive, thinking, and perceiving. You're just a normal person with no strong ego YET, because you didn't reach success yet. And that applies to every young 20 something year old person as I suspect you are. The remedy to that is not to be diagnosed or diagnose yourself and feel special, carrying it as a label on a tablet in front of you. But to go out and become something, somebody. Then the introverted feeling goes away and you are left with intuitive, thinking, and perceiving - which are totally NORMAL features, that EVERY human possesses.
So I'm sorry to inform you: You are not special. Being introverted is part of every human. Using it as a definition of yourself, puts you in a cage. And that's only the tip of the iceberg. INTP is absolute nonsense as a diagnosis. Absolute BS. As many other newfound "diagnoses" which fall under the category of self fulfilling excuses and mantras.
you have to get out of your own matrix. honestly. good luck.
I have followed Vanessa Van Edwards for years and taken one of her classes. I love her teachings and how upbeat she is. I'm so excited to see her on your channel!
"He who desires friends must show himself friendly." Proverbs 18:24
Amen❤
That's not what that verse says. It says " some friends may ruin you, but a real friend will be more loyal than a brother"
Nope. The verse goes: “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” ESV
edit-IMHO, the key point and nuance here being "many companions", as opposed to some.
I'm friendly but have no friends currently. 🙃 😢❤
He who shows himself friendly... best be honest and transparent or no one will care how friendly they show off.
I’ve been a hairdresser for 9 years and I have very good relationships with my clients and I never realised that I actually do most of the cues to make people feel comfortable and/or trust me! Very interesting!
It really does come naturally for some!!
I only like very big breasts when they are on a woman cutting my hair.
Theory comes from practice! The things that work are naturally used is by people who are good at it, the theory behind it comes from analysing the practice, this is just your confirmation that you are these things
Your also grooming them. That is something primates do that strengthens social connections. Its soothing also. Morhers groom their children.
I think it comes naturally to some people. I think some people relate to other people bttr & more innately than others
Fellow labeled 'smart' person here- Ive always been terrible at social skills and avoided making many connections in undergrad and I regret it SO much now. Im in grad school now and hoping to network better now. Thank you sososo much for this video!
I’m a 76 years young lady. I have learned just be authentic, be friendly, honest, be yourself. I have always been a people pleaser, confident and positive personality. Through the years I have worked with or encountered strong personality. As a stewardess with Continental Airlines, employed as a financial/accountant in banking and then the medical field.
This is great information for an employee in the HR department. Been there in that position, office management. The classes were focused on challenges on being a Confident Interviewer / Body Language / Personality. Great class to communicate clearly, listen, be empathetic , acknowledge the conflict immediately with tense moments. Quickly getting back order in the office to prevent issues from exploding. Learning how to diffuse issues for tense situations.
Seriously, those classes were so useful though out my life. Especially, when employees have strong issues with each other. Each morning, we would have a motivational team talks. We stressed, stepping out, take a break and calming yourself.
Before I retired, hardly a day would pass without someone with fiction. I actually worked with eight woman with a strong personality’s, that were educated with a medical background . Retired now✌🏼🍷🍾
Definitely would hang out with you! I’m 30
I would love to hang out with you too ❤❤
I can't believe so many people struggle with being visibly authentic. Thanks momma for always supporting our authenticity and comfort in our skin 💗
But some authenticity sucks. Keep it to yourself
@SassanMedia who are you talking to?
Because it costs them their jobs. Not everybody gets to just be a real human being at work. So they figure out how to be whatever keeps them their jobs. Some take it further and figure out how to have a game face on and damage other people at work whenever they get a chance. Especially if the other person has things going for them both personally and professionally that the person in question does not.
It's sad that so many people put on a mask at work, and feel they can't be real/vulnerable out of fear of judgement.
💪🏽
OMG this is such a huge service to me! 24 minutes in and I'm thinking, that's me! From a very young age, I lost myself, trying to be like the ones that it seemed easy for. What are they doing that everyone loves them? Almost 70 now and excited to learn more! My mother would always say, "Put a pleasant expression on your face!" I hated that! But, I've caught my reflection and I get it. I also shut down when using my stories falls flat. Damn. Ordering the book now. Thank you, can't wait for the rest of the video!
Sometimes I have a hard times following up and finishing podcasts because they’re too long, but this lady is just so charming. She reflects what she teaches for sure 🙌🏻
This is the most amazing interview I've ever seen. She is so articulate, warm, competent and says things in a way that is so digestable. Everything she says is a new revelation. Love it