So much of what you've said and talked about I can totally relate to. I was always confused as to what I was feeling inside but it's comforting to know that others share these types of feelings. I can now confidentially say that I'm pansexual and demisexual. To me personality is everything, doesn't matter what you physically look like. I'm married to my best friend and as the years have gone by and our bond grows and deepens they become sexier and sexier as time goes by. And as we continue to grow, love, and respect together my attraction to them only deepens and grows. I wouldn't give up what we have together for anything because what we share is irreplaceable and I've never been more content and just happy to have that deep connection and bond
honestly I'm demisexual but before I knew that, I always thought my attraction to my friends stemmed from looks along with personality. And, I always thought your type meant your type on looks, nothing to do with personality. But even then, I couldn't give an answer because even if I apply myself to that, I have no answer as it changes. I don't depend on looks to see whether I like someone or not. Edit: correction: I don't know if I'm demisexual, but that is why I am here. I want to make sure because I'm still confused on my feelings and I don't want to be wrong.
I feel like being Demi is feeling like you’re at an art museum when everyone else is at a nightclub. I’m looking at a painting; it could be breathtakingly beautiful or weird and messy and I’ll be able to state attractiveness categorically. But, asking me to sleep with someone I don’t feel that connection with is like asking me to f**k a painting.
@@alandashcar1453 Hey Alan, sorry to see I upset you. If I may suggest the following, under the assumption of your goal being to prove demisexuality or people on the ace/Aro spectrum are full of it. If you want to change my mind or other people’s belief in their own identity; I’m fairly certain saying, “it doesn’t exist”. Isn’t much of an argument and probably isn’t going to win or change any hearts and minds. Also, this is probably presumptuous of me, but if you’re struggling with sexuality personally or are just confused by it, that’s ok. Sexuality takes a while to understand and even longer to accept. Growing up when friends my age started getting intimate w/each other. I didn’t understand it. It seemed weird they would want to do anything with each other. I thought the people with high sex drives that were able to and enjoyed one night stands and fwb relationships were weird. Then I realized most people were able to do that and I felt like the weirdo. None of us were weird. All of us are unique. All of us deserve to be treated with respect and kindness, I hope I’ve treated you so.
What helped me was her saying she can still be aesthetically attracted to people! This was my biggest hangup about identifying as demi because I relate to most of the demisexual points but I can still be very aesthetically attracted to a person and even call them sexy, BUT I would never be imagining having sex with them in a million years unless I got to know them emotionally first!
I have always felt that sex was one of the most intimate, vulnerable acts you can do with a human. As I’ve gotten older, I find it interesting that that’s not necessarily the most common opinion or thought. I resonated with so much of this very deeply
Omg I have that same mindset. I was always confused on how some people could just have sex with whoever they wanted on a dime, I mean more power to them I just couldn't understand it. I always felt maybe I was thinking about sex the wrong way and that I was maybe just broken 😔. But I discovered i tick all the boxes for demisexuality and im glad that I feel more comfortable.
I agree so much! I always thought, how could I ever allow myself to be vulnerable with someone I don’t trust/have a connection with/and for me am in a relationship with. Is it still considered to be demisexual if I find strangers sexually attractive, but would never even kiss a stranger? They would have to be my friend first and pretty much nearly, if not, my boyfriend. Yet if I see an attracted person I might say 'they’re hot! ' Or something silly, but I would never go as far to do anything physical with them. If someone asked me on a date who I found physically attracted to, I would be open to it and wouldn’t mind getting to know them over some time. But sex would need to come after an established bond and nearly or fully committed relationship.
I only acknowledged this recently: People don’t just make up labels and then throw other people into categories. It’s the other way around! We notice similarities between ourselves and others, and we give those similarities a name.
I got you, but why are asexuality and demi sexuality on the lgbt community? Is nt it more about how we express our sexuality than how we indentify? Because an hetero could totally be demi or asexual too, as for lesbians, gays, trans and plus
@@cary9479 not feeling sexual attraction most of the time does not necessarily mean you dont know which gender you are attracted to, and thats were i am. Anybody could be one, so why making a whole group of it, like trans, lesbians, gay and plus
@@Ashadevoje Here's what I think you're confused; Asexuals don't feel sexual attraction AT ALL. You can be heteromantic, but if you're asexual you're not heterosexual. There's a big difference. Asexuals belong in the LGBT community. Romantic orientation is NOT the same thing as sexual orientation. At all.
lmao i always based my answers on aesthetic attraction and ~ vibes~ , I didn't know ppl actually wanted to have sex with random celebrities until really recently!
That mental switch is really strong with me. When my ex broke up with me they wanted to touch me to comfort me, but my love and romantic feelings were instantly gone and I could not bare for them to even touch me.
I can kind of relate to this, but it leans more toward demiromanticism. Basically I had a crush on my classmate which I’ve known for 3 years now. I only just started having a crush on her and after losing contact for just a few weeks, I instantly lost feelings for her and also sexual feelings. I used to be blinded by her looks but after I liked her I didn’t, then after I lost my feelings for her I couldn’t notice any sexual attraction. Even after we met up a few days ago my feelings for her didn’t emerge back to where it was.....it was just gone. And I just viewed her as a best friend. And I think that that was honestly a very interesting experience.
@@themarvelbunch8604 Oh, I am definitely both demiromantic and demisexual. And thank you for asking how I am doing. This relationship ended about 7 years ago, so I am doing perfectly well.
Thank you fir this video. It's interesting trying to figure out were u fit in the world...especially when u don't react like most people do to being attracted to people. It's so much deeper than physical attraction. It's hard for many people to understand there are levels to attraction and intimacy.
"They become.. so much more attractive" YES. YES YES!!!!! I can't believe how I relate to this so hard. For sme reason though, it's like that for me and anything, even friendships, people become more attractive to me even when we are just friends, I have no idea why.
I think it’s similar to how one might watch a show to completion and then find more lore, and become even more in love with the franchise. That’s really the only way I can describe how it feels lmao
In my mind I thought I was asexual for SO long until I realized in my mind "I do want to have sex with SOMEBODY in my life, I just never felt the urge to a stranger or anybody" until I found out demisexuality, I'm in my mid teens right now after a year or two thinking about this, I'm old enough now to be certain with my sexuality.
I’ve always said “I need to be friends with someone first”, “I don’t have a type”, and “I only care about personality” and I think those fit with this. I have never been in a relationship because I have never found someone that I emotionally connected with, so it’s hard to understand my sexuality beyond that. :/ thank you for this video, it has really helped me! ❤️❤️
wow you quoted me 3 of 3 times here. The way I try to sum it up now is "just dont be mean to me" other than that, idc. But Friends first, compatible personality is a must and all my exes dont follow a trend (not type)
Fr l always say "I must know their personality and know if they are the kind of person I'd like..or as they're caring, etc". Never physical first. I HATE IT
To answer the question OF COURSE a lot of asexual identities can overlap with other LGBT terms such as Demisexual lesbian or demisexual bisexual or Demi gay, etc. that’s the best part of the ace spectrum. I’m glad to see people talking about Demisexuality more because it’s a very tricky topic to talk about because people see it as “oh well everyone does that” but that’s not true it’s a lot of different things and it’s special. While I know I’m on the ace spectrum my only issue is figuring out if I’m bi or lesbian, but besides that AMAZING video 🖤💜🖤💜
@@ericab5593 not quite yet I’m still figuring it out like I kinda just wanna rule out things like internalized biphobia (just so I’m not going into lesbian spaces with that) and just trying to unpack how I truly feel and felt about men and whatnot like “are my actions derived from me actually wanting men or from seeing other ppl with men and knowing that’s the norm. Like I have this thing where I’ll like dudes cause someone else likes them or is dating them which seems shitty but like I’m finding excuses to find those qualities appealing when I really don’t care, ya know? Like it’s a lot of unpacking and I’m currently trying to see how my life would be if I center women as the focus would it be more comfortable? Is it something I can live with? What qualities do I ACTUALLY care about? Idk if that helped but since I’m still going thru it I just thought it could. It’s especially harder for woman to know if they’re lesbian cause of comphet and whatnot so it will take some time. I knew I was bi when I was in fifth grade but now I’m severely questioning it and it’s ok to question
Thank you for doing this video. Being demi has made it harder for me to figure out my sexuality. Like how can you tell you're not into men when you don't experience sexual attraction in the way most other people do? I don't know what I actually like until I really like it
This was my experience too! I came out this year (I just turned 30) and I really feel like I would've figured out much sooner that I was predominantly into women if I wasn't demi
yess this is why Im straight/bi-curious. I've never been sexually attracted to a girl but then again ive never had feelings for one. It could change tho and im open for it
I had to figure out I'm demisexual before being able to realize I'm bisexual. Like how was I supposed to know if I'm into girls too when everybody says they like the way other girls look even if they are heterosexual girls? I wasn't even thinking of having sex with them, that must mean I'm heterosexual, right? But after realizing that could be part of being demisexual I put the pieces together and realized I think about (probably) any gender the way I think about boys, it's just that I have a harder time conecting with girls so I experienced serious attraction towards a girl only once or twice.
This past year I’ve been questioning a lot of things about myself, especially being stuck in quarantine. Finding out about this sexuality has opened so many doors for me. I’ve honestly been questioning if I’m asexual or on that scale for about a year now. I’ve always felt indifferent about sex and low key repulsed about some aspects. I’m now going over every “crush” I’ve had on someone and all of them were very close friends. Every time I’ve been attracted to someone it’s been aesthetically and based off of personality. Also whenever I jumped into a relationship without being close friends first, I always ended up breaking up with them because I would doubt my attraction. I’ve been single for a couple years now and I really want a relationship. I want to be intimate (holding hands, cuddling) but can 100% do without sex. It’s so difficult finding someone who’s like me, especially with today’s hookup culture. It’s turned me off completely from using dating apps.
Well I can't tell if I am just young, into celibacy, or if I'm asexual, or demi sexual, I just don't know like instead of me being taken out the womb and being told "you're straight" why can't I get a "this is your actual sexuality so you dont have to figure it out by yourself because you have homophobic family members and you are to scared and embarrassed to talk to ANYONE about it except random people in the comments questioning the exact same thing" manual. Ahhhh
@@SavonnePearson Yup, it comes from a sort of meme I believe saying "Cake is better than sex!". That's why cake is so often mentioned in Ace videos, since most of us would enjoy better a piece of cake than sex 😁
I thought of myself as a very sexual person before... But then i realized I was sexual only because My partners were very sexual. I used sex as a way of making sure that they loved me and liked me. But i never Did it for My pleasure. I like THE idea of someone Being interested or not able to resist me, but i can DO without THE sex... Looking back, i never really enjoyed it. I Did have a period where i tried to hook Up with Strangers, because I felt so insecure and self conscious about My Body that i thought that that was THE only way for me to gain approval. I was attracted to Beautiful, yet toxic People that needed to be "saved" or "fixed... I Still am sadly. Now, I am on a Journey to understand myself better, and to break THE chain of My old habits. I want companionship, more Than i want satisfaction... Thanks for sharing this! It really helped me💜
Ty for sharing your experience. I resonated with the part about having sex ultimately for the benefit of one’s partner. I also resonate with the part about the idea of the desire/lust/etc a partner would have more so than the act. So you’re not alone :) ty again.
I really resonated with your comment. Like in my journey seeking validation when I was still very insecure and self conscious, I did go on sex dates, trying to get some intimacy out of but I always felt empty afterwards. In the time chatting them online and/or irl and during the act I was more enjoying the idea of someone being interested in me and desiring me, rather than the act itself. When it comes to relationships, I've had two relationships, one lasted 2,5 year and I'm currently in one for nearly 4 years and in both relationships I would relatively sexually active with them during the honeymoon phase, usually that's when you're infatuated with the other and feel really close. However as soon as I lost that feeling and when I just didn't feel as close with them anymore on an emotional level, I did not feel like having sex with them at all, only doing when they are asking for it
Hmmm yeah it is something to explore! A lot of people say “isn’t that normal for people? Why does this need to be a term?” But look more into it, it’s a lot more to it.
Yes you can definitely be demisexual and lesbian!! Lesbians come in all forms and have a mosaic of identities. I am not demisexual but I am open to learning and exploring :)
Not me damn near crying while watching this. I've identified as this for YEARS but it's been so hard finding some consistent info or someone who actually gets what I mean by saying demi. People love to downplay that secondary or "not necessary" sexual experience as just buying time, but like it's so much more than that esp when there's SO MUCH sex in our world that's accepted and generalized. I've had people call me an alien when I try to explain being demi like wtf. Anyway, congrats and welcome. You're absolutely valid and thanks so much for the vid 😭💜🖤🤍
The first thing I need to say is I was born far too early! I am gen X and am now 55. Over the past month I have come to truly believe I am probably asexual and hearing you was astoundingly clarifying about my own experiences At my age, I never had the words for it, not even to tell myself. I am not sure any of us did. I was sure I was broken, a prude or a tease. I think demisexual fits who I am; I need to have a some type of close relationship a connection before ever having the desire to be sexually close with a person.. Every one of my relationships have been with people I have already be connected to on a close friendship level. I never understood going out on random dates, and I feel the same with dating, which lately I have tried and found myself exasperated with. I have enjoyed sex but not at all in the same way others do or expect me too. I had a fiancé who suddenly died ten years ago. Our relationship was very solid for many of the reasons you pointed out. When I think of the last time we had sex, I can vividly remember the ways we were looking into one another's eyes. I don't remember anything else about it, because that is all that mattered. I have tried to "meet people" since he died but, It's just as you say, there is no attraction without a connection.And so I have been single for almost 11 years now, somewhat satisfied with it, because I could never go back to my younger years of pretending. I want to thank you for telling your truth. It really validated my own. It also helps make sense of the part of me that has believed I am bisexual, leaning towards those who identify closer to male. I didn't understand how to find the words for that either. But it all came together. There is obviously even more of a lack of representation in my age group. It's not as if we don't exist, but so many of us don't know and don't have the words to explain. I think many older adults probably felt there was something wrong with them for years, just as I did. (I am sorry this is quite long; I wanted to give specific feedback)
I went on a date with people, and i just don’t feel anything. Like i could find them aesthetically attractive, i could feel that they are nice people… but i just don’t feel anything for them, I don’t feel to kiss or to hug them. I don’t even flirt with them. I feel myself wierd for that reason.
This is so incredibly relatable! I've been on a few dates and have only felt connected to one of the ppl bc of how much we had in common and how much we talked. There was an instant bond, but it still took me some alcohol and weed to feel anything. Whenever I was sober around him I felt nothing and every physical contact was mechanical and weird, to the point where I full on dissociated during a date bc he touched my belly. I am now aware fully aware of the fact that I'm demiromantic but I was still questioning if I was demisexual, this video really opened my eyes!
I never understood when people would talk about others in a sexual way without knowing them to the point that I thought it was just a joke. Recently realizing I'm Demisexual feels so enlightening and relieving but intimidating in relationships as a whole. Thank you for going so into detail with this topic.
Savonne, this is the first video of yours that I've seen and I just want to thank you for filming and publishing this. It was a particularly bad night of feeling abnormal and questioning whether it's even valid for me to call myself bisexual if I rarely experience sexual attraction, but you speaking about your experiences with being lesbian and demisexual helped me so, so much. I really can't thank you enough for creating such a welcoming and affirming space not only in this video, but with your entire channel (which I'm lowkey bingeing now)!! You're so articulate and relaxing to listen to and I'm endlessly grateful that I found your channel when I did. Can't wait to see more content ♥️
Im 20 and 2 years ago I got into my first relationship with my boyfriend. I was curious about the sexual part but way way more about the romantic part. I just knew that sex was a thing that was a part of a relationship. During my relationship (to this day) I never really felt like I needed sex and I was thinking that there was something wrong with me because my friends were so high on the sex part and I only felt that once every few times. I even started questioning if I loved my boyfriend. This video... opened my eyes. I am almost crying. This is the PERFECT description of me. I feel like I’m not weird. Thank you so much. You don’t know how much this makes me feel like a normal person. ❤️❤️❤️
I realised recently that I am Panromantic and Demisexual I connect to people through their personality but even when I get to know someone's personality I don't feel a sexual attraction until much further down the line. Thank you Savonne for helping me understand who I am
So, I don't like one nights stands or that sort of thing. I've only ever wanted sex with someone I was in a committed relationship with. Buuuuut I do have a very high libido and when I am in a relationship I want to have sex all the time. Like it is a make or break for me. So, I always thought that fact meant I couldn't be demi but I feel like I am. The one time I tried to have a one night stand I felt so empty and cried so much and never did it again. So idk what to think but I'm trying to figure it out! Help!
Asexual doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t like sex. Many asexual people enjoy sex! The ace spectrum is just about attraction to others. So, you may not FEEL that attraction until you are connected to them, as it sounds. That would be demi!
I'll help you figure it out - maybe you're just a heterosexual person who doesn't get anything from meaningless, casual sex. I feel the same way as you - doesn't make me anything but a plain old, boring heterosexual - because anything else that exists within that is nothing more than my personality, my values, my attitudes towards sex, and my preferences.
I label myself as demisexual and have a very high libido as well. I could go 3 times a day and enjoy it all the time BUT only with my committed partner and only if I am perfectly happy with my relationship that day. If I just like someone but we're not together I might have some fleeting sexy thoughts but that's it. If I'm with someone but only in the beginning so I don't have the most solid connection with them, then I'll want to make love from time to time but it won't feel as good as in the first case and there's a chance I'm only doing it for my partner. I don't know if I'd break up with someone over bad sex (if it's bad because they aren't even trying tho then I would for sure, but that's an issue of personality as well), but sexual satisfaction is important for me in a relationship and I can't see myself in a relationship with someone with less than half the libido I have or who doesn't enjoy sex at all. From what I understand, the demisexuality only describes who are you attracted to and why, not how high your libido is. But this is just my experience, you could be demisexual or something else, good luck in figuring it out!
@@loud6037 Or, hear me out, you might also be demisexual. Demisexual in itself isn't a sexuality, it is a microlabel that describes how you experience sexual attraction, not which gender you experience sexual attraction towards. I'm bisexual but I am also demisexual and demiromantic bc that's the way I experience romantic and sexual attraction. I could still be demi if I were straight, a lesbian, pansexual... Please don't invalidate ppl like this, saying they might just be a "boring heterosexual" implies the person is trying to be special in some way which is exhausting to hear. Plus the commenter never said they were straight, I'm not sure why you assumed that.
I knew I wasn't asexual so when I first heard this term I instantly knew this was me... I generally don't HAVE a type that i stick two, but I just happen to like people who by natural occurance or choice have red hair. I am currently dating a guy who literally has 3 different natural hair colours...it's really odd. His head hair is blondish, his eye brows dark and his beard is ginger. I didn't have ANY romantic feelings for him at first and it wasn't until a year later that I did. Now we're engaged and I finally feel like this is the right thing for me.
oh boy! I really felt that ‘being a tease’ part! I like the physical touch, but I don’t need or necessarily like the ending you were talking about... lots of things to consider, thank you for bringing this up❤️
I mean.... I’ve never resonated more in my life. I have finally figured out why I’ve felt so different my whole life.. these conversations are so important. I feel like I’m just now figuring out my sexuality and I just turned 28. Wild. Thank you!
I was researching the LGBTQ+ community for an episode of a podcast I cohost, and in trying to educate other people, I educated myself in the process and realised that I’m demisexual 😂 thank you so much for talking about your experience, I’m also bi so it’s been a real confusing time, but videos like yours help so much and make me feel less alone and more normal 💗
I’ve identified as bisexual since I was quite young. Recently learning the term biromantic makes me feel so much more comfortable and I’m learning about Demisexuality makes my past relationships makes so much more sense. I’ve always been most comfortable sexually after becoming emotionally close and lack of attraction because of lack of trust or connection makes soooo much sense. So thanks for this video.
This really helped me validate what I've been discovering about myself in the last 12 months. It's just very comforting to hear you repeat almost verbatim what I've thought myself about how I feel attraction. Especially the whole "prude/tease" and your take on "hook-up culture" thing really helped me a lot. :) Of course it's not the same for me completely, but as you said, it's different for everyone. Anyway, love the video and how you made your points objectively and personal at the same time. Keep it up!
This describes my experience exactly, though I never had a word for it or knew it was a thing. I wish I'd understood it better during the time that I was in relationships, but I'm glad people are talking about it now.
Savonne I appreciate your videos so much. Here's why. I am a transgender woman that came out 7 yrs ago at age 55. I didn't feel bad about being trans although I hid from the perceived repercussions. I felt bad because I was confused why I wasn't like everyone else regarding sex. I was and am attracted to women so living as a guy worked regarding women. But I never felt comfortable having sex before I felt romance. I was married 18 yrs. I have only had 4 sex partners but romantically kissed around 30 women. I never pursued intercourse. All 4 of my partners initiated it. I thought it was because I was emotionally female. I would try to explain it to people but couldn't. It wasn't a moral issue. It just didn't feel right. Thank you so much for helping me understand even more who I am.
As a fellow lesbian on the asexual spectrum I could really really relate with a lot of the experiences you shared in this video! So thank for making this! ♥️
First stumbled upon the term of demisexuality when the autism videos part of my algorithm gave me a video on it. And I do relate to it a lot. It’s probably not a label I’m consciously going to use, but it’s nice to see that ‘not having a type’ and me not really ever falling for people I know little about is more common, and has a name. I’m still just going to be a ‘straight man’ and for as much as I care, that how I’ll define myself.
Here via your reddit post, I'm demi and bi, lots of things you've said ring true for myself. I think you give a pretty awesome explanation of demisexuality all round, thank you!
Girl wtf this hits so close to home!! I found out abt my demisexuality bc of my friend who came out and I wanted to learn about it and as I watched videos and did research I realized I related so much to what I was seeing! I have a boyfriend, my first one in fact. I met him in high school and I suddenly developed my first actual crush towards him. I wanted to be close with him, hold hands and stuff. I wasnt thinking about him sexually because well- I was a teenanger 😭 I was so confused with my feelings because I never felt that sort of rush of emotions towards a guy and I felt scared to come clean, so I lasted 2 years with him on my mind and having no confidence in telling him "Hey I kinda like you"😭 It wasnt until MONTHS into college where we were both 18, and sadly in separate universities, that HE confessed TO MEEE and I started thinking abt kissing and how I felt comfortable doing that with him. As we went on he brought up the idea of intimacy. I at first felt uncomfortable and not ready and he was SO understanding I lob him sm ue ue,, and once we finally did it felt so right?? I never saw anyone the way I saw him. It started as "wow this guy is cool" > "ok hes REALLY cool and fun??" > "wtf why do I like him so much?????" > "I HAVE A CRUSH ON HIM?!?!?!?!" I never felt like this towards any boy. MY MOM THOUGHT I WAS A LESBIAN BECAUSE SHE TOLD ME "Girl you never talk about boys" BECAUSE THEYRE NOT INTERESTING ENOUGH I feel so connected to him hes my pookie (cringe) Were 4 years and 7 months in :3
Thank you very much. Your video helped me to shrug off the "Am I so weird and alone that I desire sex this way?". Turns out it is not weird. It is normal. And it is beautiful
It was reversed for me I figured out I was Demi-sexual before then taking on the label of lesbian. I felt that I wasn't Demi-sexual enough because I had random sexual attraction to different woman so I am now trying to come to terms with how I feel in my asexuality. Congrats on the personal discovery!
I think I'm def. demisexual but also I feel like it's unreasonable to ask someone to deal with my back and forth with emotional connection. I don't know how to relationship knowing how I am lol
Don't worry, it's not unreasonable at all! If someone can't respect your feelings and decisions regarding if the connection you have is satisfying/close enough for you to make love at the moment or not, then you're not compatible or they don't care enough about you or both. There are also plenty of demisexual people of any gender, or at least people who feel in a similar way, who will understand your struggle and won't be bothered by your back and forth. It's better to be single than in a relationship where you feel anxious to express yourself and communicate your feelings anyway.
Man, I have been coming to terms lately with my demisexuality and I feel like it explains my past behavior and period of hypersexuality so much. I feel like there was a time in my life where I felt a societal pressure or expectation to be able to enjoy casual sex during my college years and I kept chasing it wondering why I kept feeling kinda detached and needy when attempting to engage in casual sex, or would even sometimes try to form an emotional bond in the aftermath for the sake of feeling like the sexual act was validated or meant something. It just feels so much better now to understand that I don't really have the natural capacity to separate sex from feelings, and that's okay.
Not only is it just *okay* to not separate sex from feelings, that's how it *should* be. Maybe it's my own demi sexuality talking but I can't imagine sex without love.
A lot of this hits home, even though I’m still not quite sure where on the ace spectrum I am. I feel so hard for exes insisting on sex and just giving it to them, cause they wanted it. My ex would be minding his own business, then start kissing me up etc., but promptly go back to their business as soon as I didn’t show interest in “the end”. At that point, I felt like a sentient sex-toy. I’m so glad to see there’s other people out there who are also on the ace spectrum
Dude I'm glad I came across your video. I honestly thought I was a horrible person for the way my partners have treated me because of my sexuality. Every single woman I've been with to hook up has never not once made me finish and every single time they've been mad at me because of it. As a guy it's very frustrating, I always thought somethings wrong with me or I'm gay but I also tried that and it didn't help at all. I always try to hook up because it's the only form of intimacy that I have access too but I've always used it as a form of self harm as well. I really want to make someone else feel happy but I myself have never been happy. It makes more sense now why I want to hug/kiss/cuddle or hold hands with someone I like more than sex. All I crave is someone to be intimate with and not have all that pressure of sex looming over me. Thank you for helping me on my journey.
Today was the day I found out I'm a demisexual person. And this LITERALLY liberated me. Now I understand WHY people try so hard to put label on some abstract ideas (don't know if abstract is a right word here but excuse me for my lack of English knowledge). There was always a question around me that "Why are you just attracted to your partner?", "maybe you haven't been around people enough to go with another person" and there is a feeling that someday I'm going to cheat my partner because I am attracted to just one person in whole my life. now I can breaaaath!
Thank you for this video! I'm demisexual but often question myself when I read something about demisexuality and don't relate to it. I really like your point about the fact that you are what you identify to *most* with.
Honestly for me figuring out my sexuality is tough because it honestly feels like I haven’t lived long enough. Like, I’m only 17. I can’t always tell what’s a crush or not and any signs that have “sex” in them aren’t something I can relate to because that’s not even something remotely on my horizon. And then it’s confusing when there’s sexual attraction and romantic attraction … idk. I think it’s best to figure it out if I can, but also not to let not knowing get in the way of doing anything.
Thank you for this video. Hearing your perspective was affirming for me as someone exploring if ace feels like a proper title. Some videos about demisexual/ace are so strict in definition. But so many points you made, I connected with
I relate to this 110%. Being lesbian and demi was so confusing at first because like you said not everything in the comphet doc resonated with me. thanks for posting this !!
Can I just say that, not only was this video very informative, uplifting and reassuring, but also very calming, you have a lovely voice and a nice vlogging style.
It's hard to not be able to feel sexually aroused by someone attractive you recently met, specially for guys, you start thinking you may have ED or health issues, but in your mind you're just not really connected to that other person, I still try my best to make them feel good even when I'm not really enjoying myself at all good video
Deep down I know I am, the thing is that I haven’t really had a crush on anyone of any gender, I haven’t even been in the “talking stage”. For like a day I thought I had a “crush” on a friend but it just went away 💀. I know when someone’s attractive but doesn’t matter to me. I don’t know what my sexuality after the Demi part.. I’m just lost tbh.
I feel you so much. I just recently got into a relationship (well recently in terms of my own understanding, we are actually together for about one and a half year) and I never once experienced attraction to a person, before I met my partner. Not even now I am sure whether I have a specific gender I am (even romantically) attracted to, even though I deep down believe it just doesn't matter, because the only thing that matters for me is the kind of connection I have with my partner. I always felt so lost when friends were talking about their crushes. But I have to admit that it feels kind of amusing hearing them talk about how certain videos make them go ... or when they see someone walking by and you see how attracted they are, while you are just standing there minding your own business or maybe just looking at this person thinking "Okay, yeah she*he is very beautiful" or sometimes you feel even fascinated by their looks but it is more like admiring a wonderfully executed painting and looking at the carefully applied strockes of the pencil.
@@rubycuby67 I make dating/wanting to be someone’s Gf jokes all the time especially with fictional characters 💀 do I mean them.. no. People think I’m serious about, and I was confused by that. I didn’t think people actually were attracted by a person they’ve never met/a fictional character. I thought it was just a big meme. At the time I didn’t even know what Demi even meant so I thought everyone thought/felt the same as me. When I actually thought I had a crush, I just realized I just wanted to know the person/I admired the person. If it wasn’t for the internet I probably would’ve been even more confused. 😭
Oh my god thank you. I’ve been feeling so lost trying to figure out why I can’t seem to experience desire for sex early on in knowing someone, and this really helped me understand myself better.
Yesterday I was talking in therapy about how the labels have been helping me to understand my sexuality, even if I feel that it's fluid and that I don't fit 100% in that box. Discovering that I'm lesbian and continuing not having that sexual drive that the society says we must have was hard, now seeing myself as demi it's getting a little bit easer.
I feel so validated. Thank you for sharing your story. Any time I have been in a relationship the idea of whether I am sexually attracted to them or not has been something I was constantly analyzing and trying to force and ends up putting pressure on the relationship. That is, me putting the pressure on myself. Now I feel confident that I can take relationships slow and see if that attraction develops without worrying about forcing it. Makes it hard to figure out if I'm straight or not though lmao because I've literally never been sexually attracted to anyone.
lol I once thought that I was demisexual because I heard someone explain a very simplified definition of what it is to me. Now I know more about this sexuality and I’ve discovered that I’m not demisexual I just didn’t fully understand what it was although I may identify with some aspects of it. Thanks for helping me clear this up
I definitely get seeing the aesthetic attraction but not having a desire to act on it. I somewhat recently came on the concept of being demi sexual and I think it aligns with how I feel about things with people.
I am so glad I found this community as I always felt like there is something wrong with me as I was called prude or tease all the time. I tried everything to fit in, but always were left feeling lonley and isolated in my relationships. This video describes me to a T. Thank you so much❤
this video is giving me so many epiphanies and im so thankful i came across it. i actually found the term demisexuality back when i was still in high school, which was like 8 years ago or something and i kinda related to it but it was also difficult for me to really trust my gut because i had never had any sexual experiences or relationships at that point. now that i have i feel like the demisexual label just feels more and more right to me. its crazy when you were talking about the “being a tease” part because i distinctly remember saying “idk, sometimes a good make out session is just soo much better than actually having sex” and my ex-partner just didnt get that part at all and just kept going on about how great sex is. its also interesting to me that my sex partners have not been “conventionally attractive” and i wasnt crazily physically attracted to them to begin with but somehow after getting to know them and establishing this emotional connection they became attractive to me? and whats even more interesting after breaking up i lost any sense of sexual attraction to them, i guess because the emotional bond was just damaged or gone and i suddenly couldnt imagine sleeping with them ever. but im not sure if thats a demi experience or maybe also allo people feel the same way after a break up? ive thought many times to myself that i love sex in theory and in my imagination but that irl its always just felt meh to me and i could do without it. somehow now that i have met my current partner i finally understand why people are so obsessed with sex. i dont know what it is about him but i he fundamentally changed the way i think about sex. i do think that a big part is also due to the fact that we engage in bdsm and that to me requires a huuuge amount of emotional connection things. and also just because it feels like i have finally found my person :) idk, i just think its so neat to have the internet and access to these resources and to find more representation and to learn more about yourself. so thanks for this great video, im gonna finish watching it now! edit: omg!!! i just got to the part where you talk about how your experience with sexual attraction to a person changed after breaking up!!! i feel so seen! :)
Thank you so much for this. I was feeling so confused in my last relationship. Continuously doubting my attraction to them. Now i finally get that i just didn't feel safe and emotionally bonded. It resonated most when you said 'when you feel you cant tell them everything and they throw the things you tell them back at you''. That was a major thing that made me lose attraction.
I love this video! I wish there was a group/place to meet other people who feel like this and discuss our experiences, to learn more about the spectrum. I'm sure others feel like me, very lonely in these feelings, having no one who understands.
I’ve been going through the same phase lately - feeling demi but not having enough proof to identify myself - and this video helped me a lot. It all clicks now! Thanks!
hey! i just found you channel and honestly i've been looking for one exactly like yours for Months. i hope it's okay that i share my feelings because watching your videos has helped a lot of my doubt. sorry if it's long but i would love to express my feelings because i never knew how to word them, and i hope someone else out there can relate. get ready for the biggest case of comp het yall have ever seen i used to consider myself straight because all my gay friends knew since middle school so i felt that if i didnt already Know, then that cant be me. i never really "liked" anyone until i was 14, and i grew up "picking" which boys to crush on (you can see where this is going) until I watched criminal minds when i got the BIGGEST crush on spencer reid (,,,i know). it wasnt until the 5th season when he had long hair that i started feeling attraction, but once i was more familiar with his character i fell in love with him lmao. but despite my feelings, i never wanted to do anything sexual with them? like i get butterflies looking at him and i love the theory of creating these perfect fanfiction stories with him but i never wanted to have sex with him like other reid fans did. at this point i considered myself bi ace because i didnt really feel strongly about boys more than girls. however, i was always scared to fully label because there was a part of me that was worried my feelings would change as i got older. THEN at the start of this year, i found the comp-het masterdoc and it literally changed my life. i realized that ive crushed on girls since fifth grade and although i for sure felt very strong feelings towards male fictional characters, they were the only men ive been attracted to. so for the past six months, ive been going back and forth between lesbian and bisexual because every time i feel validated in lesbianism, this Huge feeling of doubt takes over and tells me "what if you find a guy that meets your standards and you'll be attracted to them." also, im not very sexual (i dont really have a sex drive? man idk) so that makes me feel like less of a lesbian because there's a big culture around porn and the Universal Lockeroom Experience. i'm probably somewhere on the ace spectrum, but i for sure feel some type of way watching lesbian tiktokers and like you said im sorta hoping that i feel those "fireworks" once im with a girl because i really love them!!! also apparently a lot of lesbians think theyre bi ace when theyre younger so thats sorta validating?(by the way, im seventeen and have never dated anyone.) i know that im the only one who can label myself, but i keep feeling like i need someone else to validate that im a lesbian because whenever i read that "lesbians are NOT attracted to men" (which is completely true) it worries me that my attraction to spencer reid or me second-guessing myself when i see a cute androgynous boy means i cant be a lesbian. it seems like such a definitive jump to say im not attracted to men even if that's basically true. i know people say itll take time and you dont need to label yourself, but i physically Need to know exactly what i am, and i feel like im this close,,, anyway, your masterdoc vids really validate my ?lesbianism? so thank you so much for what you do. anyway thats enough oversharing on the internet i need to go to therapy :))
Hey girly, thanks for sharing your story. Watch the episode of the Masterdoc called “but I like male celebrities...” I think it will really help you. You sound pretty lesbian to me 😉
Savonne Pearson thanks i really appreciate you reading my rambling haha!! do you have any advice for overcoming certain doubts about identity? it’s been hard for me to 100% accept it even though i’ve had this suspicion for months
Seeing so many videos and reading so much information on this in the past week to try to understand a possible friend has me wondering how so many people know the way I think. Thank you so much for an in depth look into your story. 🥰🥰🥰
This video. I’ve never felt more seen in my entire life I’ve felt so lost for so fucking long and this video is the biggest sigh of relief. I thought I was broken for years I’ve always felt so scared of sex with someone without feeling safe or secure. I’ve ALWAYS felt so guilty when I didn’t want to have sex with any of my partners. There is a word to describe myself and I’m not a freak or a tease or a prude. I can finally explain to people why I’m this way thanks again for this video it’s really eye opening.
I'm straight, and I related to 99.9 per cent of this video. Thank you, for affirming who I am. Another video said Demi's love other people's soul with our own. It is a deeper love. Thanks again for this affirmation. Well done.
I found out about asexuality at age 46 and identified as asexual the instant I finished reading the definition. I felt the deep need to know what kind of asexual I am. Now, I have been living life as a heterosexual woman for 20 years and being treated by my husband and others as if I were broken or deficient the whole time. I experienced an almost unimaginable lifting of guilt when I found all this out, accompanied by relief and a rush of self-acceptance and self-love when I decided that I am a polyromantic demisexual. We now have more LGBTQIA+ kids than not, so I am learning all I can to be supportive and (appropriately) protective of them, too. I also believe my late mother was most definitely asexual. Life just makes sense now. My spouse is now bisexual and trans, so let's just say that life is exceptionally colorful around here and I'm still experiencing waves of relief. I really appreciated hearing your story. Thank you for putting this out.
Thank you for sharing! 🖤 I thought maybe something was wrong with me as I never experienced sexual attraction the same way as my friends and sisters have. I relate so much to what you've said about your experiences, and I finally feel a bit more normal 😅
Wow… you have no idea how much appreciate this video. Thank you so much. ❤️ While researching gray sexuality in order to help my son understand his feelings. At 51, watching this video, I could literally feel the wheels clicking and this side of my life finally made sense! 💕😊
Thank you very much for making this video and sharing your experience. I relate to that feeling of being an “imposter” because I’ve identified as a lesbian pretty much all my life, but I never identified with all the expected beats if that makes sense. I recently realised how much I connected to Demisexuality and it just clicked. And they come together and helped me make much more sense of the attractions and stuff I’ve been having all my life. Your video really validated a lot of that too, so thank you. 💕
It is so weird how I came across this video because I ask myself these questions like "Am I still attracted to men?" "Why do I not feel sexually atrracted to men like I used to?" "Why I don't think about my exes or someone that may want a romantic relationship with me but not them?" Those kind of questions be getting to me, especially thinking about my own experiences. So, thanks for sharing! Now, I don't feel as weird about it anymore and know it's not because of COVID😌
Almost in tears over how relatable this is - so much of it checks out and I have been struggling for years trying to figure out what is wrong with me or why its so hard for me to have "Normal relationships". I've gone back and forth on if I'm straight but asexual, if I'm bi but too picky, or if I just have some underlying problem with my libido. I have struggled to feel in place with my LGBTQ+ community because I didn't seem to know exactly what I wanted (tease) or I didn't appear consistent with my preferences. Every one of my relationships has been a friends that became more, and I found myself putting out with people earlier than I wanted to because I wanted them happy - basically everything you said rings true for me. Around pride this year I discovered the term Demisexual - and It was like all my past behaviors started to make sense. The guilt and shame I had been feeling turned into some deeper understanding about who I might actually be. I recently have had some down time to finally research the term a bit more and your video was one of the first I came across since this discovery and has been SOOOOO impactful. Thank you for helping me feel less like a weirdo. I finally feel like I can be proud of who I am and my preferences when it comes to my relationships. ❤
I am soooo late to this post, but really just wanted to show appreciation, as this was REALLY validating for me. Especially the part where you mentioned being called "prude" and how I've never been a " one-night stand kind of person". Also, in focusing more on my wants and self-discovery, I've been struggling with labeling: bi versus pan versus the possibility of being more asexual leaning. Without making my comment too wordy lol, just know that your content really made a light bulb go off for me!!!!!!!
You have such a kind and inviting personality! Thank you for sharing your story. Loved your snippet on labels! As a Bisexual/Biromantic identifying mom, I experience a lot of imposter syndrome and erasure so that part really resonated for me.
I’ve identified as demi for a while but this put it into words in ways I’ve never been able to. The part about what does turn us on really resonated with me: chiefly needing to feel safe and connected through our thoughts not just our bodies- Especially after a lifetime of misunderstandings and putting my needs to the side because I thought it was best for my partners. Now I realize it’s unfair to both of us, we have to be honest with ourselves and find someone who honors that. Thank you! Edit: I also love how you described how attraction can ebb and flow for those of us in relationships, we really have to feel a deep connection and even with one partner that bond comes and goes. There isn’t necessarily a level of connectedness that you can get to and never go back, in my experience it has to be worked on continuously.
Never in a million years I would've thought that other people feel the same as I do, and check nearly all the same boxes. All this time I felt so misunderstood, lonely and some kind of guilt for being that way and not being able to be somebody else. I'll be more compassionate with myself from now on, as we say, self discovery is a never ending journey. I'm sure sharing your experience helped alot of people, as it helped me. Thank you :)
Being demisexual explained all of my adult history and everything just clicked, whay I didn't enjoy sex and that I was always doing it for them, why I was unhappy, why I went through all of labels and couldn't find myself in them, why I didn't like dating and instead was looking for a friendship...
wow this video is amazing, thank you so much for that! i recently found myself demisexual and i feel that i know me so much better after saw this video, all my life is going through my head over and over
throughout this week i've been in doubt whether i'm demi or not. after i found out about it i started to relate to it a lot but i was still in doubt. so throughout this past days i've been eating myself watching many videos talking about demissexuality and reading lots of comments on the videos but i felt like everyone was just saying more of the same and nothing but the meaning of demissexuality. today ur video popped up in my yt home and decided to watch it. When i saw the video had 30min i already knew it wasn't going to be more of the same. ur video helped to be more certain about it. thank you for this.
Thanks for talking about labels, it’s always been a wrestle with me. I know they can help but they can also hinder and create a barrier. I feel It’s a personal choice if you want to use a label or not.
I may just cried, because everything you said I could relate to...and I was SO worried before because she’s the first woman I’m with and I kept thinking maybe I’m just not into woman, because I don’t have this high desire in sex, especially in the beginning. But then there were like little moments, were I felt so close to her and I was just so turned on like never in my life, and it just left me so confused...I thought what the hell is going to turn me on? Maybe I am asexual?! But there it is..it’s connection. Oh my god...I was even thinking I might have to break up with her in order to find out but that would’ve been just dumb...I just always thought something was wrong with me, and to hear someone else say this, is just so releasing 🧡 Also what you said about blurring lines in friendships...hell yes, HELL YES. I am bisexual and I had this happen to me a lot, but didn’t realize it at that time, and now it just all makes sense. So thank you SO MUCH for making this video ♥️ I’m gonna talk to my girlfriend now 😅
My more recent video talking about navigating friendships as a demisexual: ruclips.net/video/-w7tTqc3MC4/видео.html
So much of what you've said and talked about I can totally relate to.
I was always confused as to what I was feeling inside but it's comforting to know that others share these types of feelings.
I can now confidentially say that I'm pansexual and demisexual. To me personality is everything, doesn't matter what you physically look like.
I'm married to my best friend and as the years have gone by and our bond grows and deepens they become sexier and sexier as time goes by. And as we continue to grow, love, and respect together my attraction to them only deepens and grows. I wouldn't give up what we have together for anything because what we share is irreplaceable and I've never been more content and just happy to have that deep connection and bond
I feel like if you’re demisexual, you’ve often told people you “don’t have a type.”
FLORENCE!
honestly I'm demisexual but before I knew that, I always thought my attraction to my friends stemmed from looks along with personality. And, I always thought your type meant your type on looks, nothing to do with personality. But even then, I couldn't give an answer because even if I apply myself to that, I have no answer as it changes. I don't depend on looks to see whether I like someone or not.
Edit: correction: I don't know if I'm demisexual, but that is why I am here. I want to make sure because I'm still confused on my feelings and I don't want to be wrong.
Don't forget how we are treated as old fashioned and weird
Bruh.
@@ramziiiii the jokes before you come out are awful.
I feel like being Demi is feeling like you’re at an art museum when everyone else is at a nightclub. I’m looking at a painting; it could be breathtakingly beautiful or weird and messy and I’ll be able to state attractiveness categorically. But, asking me to sleep with someone I don’t feel that connection with is like asking me to f**k a painting.
This comment is art 👌🏾
Lol, that last line made my day. Such a professional, beautiful, artistic comment until that last line.
Can i quote you? :-)
@@SmartLifeSolutionsWork go ahead hon 👍
@@alandashcar1453 Hey Alan, sorry to see I upset you. If I may suggest the following, under the assumption of your goal being to prove demisexuality or people on the ace/Aro spectrum are full of it. If you want to change my mind or other people’s belief in their own identity; I’m fairly certain saying, “it doesn’t exist”. Isn’t much of an argument and probably isn’t going to win or change any hearts and minds. Also, this is probably presumptuous of me, but if you’re struggling with sexuality personally or are just confused by it, that’s ok. Sexuality takes a while to understand and even longer to accept. Growing up when friends my age started getting intimate w/each other. I didn’t understand it. It seemed weird they would want to do anything with each other. I thought the people with high sex drives that were able to and enjoyed one night stands and fwb relationships were weird. Then I realized most people were able to do that and I felt like the weirdo. None of us were weird. All of us are unique. All of us deserve to be treated with respect and kindness, I hope I’ve treated you so.
What helped me was her saying she can still be aesthetically attracted to people! This was my biggest hangup about identifying as demi because I relate to most of the demisexual points but I can still be very aesthetically attracted to a person and even call them sexy, BUT I would never be imagining having sex with them in a million years unless I got to know them emotionally first!
Yes this!!!
Yes! This also got me.
Yes, now I really got it...the essence of my love life!
I was hung up about this too and once she mentioned that I was like💡🤭😱
Yes! I do relate to this a lot!
I have always felt that sex was one of the most intimate, vulnerable acts you can do with a human. As I’ve gotten older, I find it interesting that that’s not necessarily the most common opinion or thought. I resonated with so much of this very deeply
Omg I have that same mindset. I was always confused on how some people could just have sex with whoever they wanted on a dime, I mean more power to them I just couldn't understand it. I always felt maybe I was thinking about sex the wrong way and that I was maybe just broken 😔. But I discovered i tick all the boxes for demisexuality and im glad that I feel more comfortable.
Yeah, I totally agree.
I totally agree with this!
could not agree more
I agree so much! I always thought, how could I ever allow myself to be vulnerable with someone I don’t trust/have a connection with/and for me am in a relationship with. Is it still considered to be demisexual if I find strangers sexually attractive, but would never even kiss a stranger? They would have to be my friend first and pretty much nearly, if not, my boyfriend. Yet if I see an attracted person I might say 'they’re hot! ' Or something silly, but I would never go as far to do anything physical with them. If someone asked me on a date who I found physically attracted to, I would be open to it and wouldn’t mind getting to know them over some time. But sex would need to come after an established bond and nearly or fully committed relationship.
I only acknowledged this recently: People don’t just make up labels and then throw other people into categories. It’s the other way around! We notice similarities between ourselves and others, and we give those similarities a name.
Rambungling Gabblefrustler yes!!!
I got you, but why are asexuality and demi sexuality on the lgbt community? Is nt it more about how we express our sexuality than how we indentify? Because an hetero could totally be demi or asexual too, as for lesbians, gays, trans and plus
@@Ashadevoje Becouse they most time they don't feel sny sexual attraction, thats why it is a sexuality and not only a preference or so.
@@cary9479 not feeling sexual attraction most of the time does not necessarily mean you dont know which gender you are attracted to, and thats were i am. Anybody could be one, so why making a whole group of it, like trans, lesbians, gay and plus
@@Ashadevoje Here's what I think you're confused; Asexuals don't feel sexual attraction AT ALL. You can be heteromantic, but if you're asexual you're not heterosexual. There's a big difference. Asexuals belong in the LGBT community. Romantic orientation is NOT the same thing as sexual orientation. At all.
Playing smash or pass is like a whole new level of anxiety
I don’t even know what that is lol 😂
@@Cherrycreamsoda1 lmao its a game where someone names some people (mostly celebrities) and you have to say if you'd do them 🤡
@@dungeonmasters4 Oh right hahaha XD muggles huh
lmao i always based my answers on aesthetic attraction and ~ vibes~ , I didn't know ppl actually wanted to have sex with random celebrities until really recently!
@@reereereena EXACTLY! I was like yeah they're cool... not yeah I'll randomly go f*ck them
That mental switch is really strong with me. When my ex broke up with me they wanted to touch me to comfort me, but my love and romantic feelings were instantly gone and I could not bare for them to even touch me.
I can kind of relate to this, but it leans more toward demiromanticism. Basically I had a crush on my classmate which I’ve known for 3 years now. I only just started having a crush on her and after losing contact for just a few weeks, I instantly lost feelings for her and also sexual feelings. I used to be blinded by her looks but after I liked her I didn’t, then after I lost my feelings for her I couldn’t notice any sexual attraction. Even after we met up a few days ago my feelings for her didn’t emerge back to where it was.....it was just gone. And I just viewed her as a best friend. And I think that that was honestly a very interesting experience.
Also, I hope you’re doing better :))
@@themarvelbunch8604 Oh, I am definitely both demiromantic and demisexual. And thank you for asking how I am doing. This relationship ended about 7 years ago, so I am doing perfectly well.
When I've split with someone or someone's split with me, I can't imagine why we would want to touch each other!
Thank you fir this video. It's interesting trying to figure out were u fit in the world...especially when u don't react like most people do to being attracted to people. It's so much deeper than physical attraction. It's hard for many people to understand there are levels to attraction and intimacy.
"They become.. so much more attractive"
YES. YES YES!!!!! I can't believe how I relate to this so hard.
For sme reason though, it's like that for me and anything, even friendships, people become more attractive to me even when we are just friends, I have no idea why.
I think it’s similar to how one might watch a show to completion and then find more lore, and become even more in love with the franchise. That’s really the only way I can describe how it feels lmao
same with my former boyfriend
I found my SO to be incredibly attractive right from the start, and I still do after 16 years. Nothing changed for me. (And yes, I'm demi.)
yesssss
Ikkr
In my mind I thought I was asexual for SO long until I realized in my mind "I do want to have sex with SOMEBODY in my life, I just never felt the urge to a stranger or anybody" until I found out demisexuality, I'm in my mid teens right now after a year or two thinking about this, I'm old enough now to be certain with my sexuality.
I’ve always said “I need to be friends with someone first”, “I don’t have a type”, and “I only care about personality” and I think those fit with this. I have never been in a relationship because I have never found someone that I emotionally connected with, so it’s hard to understand my sexuality beyond that. :/ thank you for this video, it has really helped me! ❤️❤️
wow you quoted me 3 of 3 times here. The way I try to sum it up now is "just dont be mean to me" other than that, idc. But Friends first, compatible personality is a must and all my exes dont follow a trend (not type)
People think you're lying and you're trying to friendzone them
Fr l always say "I must know their personality and know if they are the kind of person I'd like..or as they're caring, etc". Never physical first. I HATE IT
Geez I've been trying to determine if I am dealing with a fear of intimacy, or if I am asexual. Very informative video thank you.
Same here
Zero dislikes. The universe is in balance.
YES
Just when I was hopeful, the dislikes kicked in
To answer the question OF COURSE a lot of asexual identities can overlap with other LGBT terms such as Demisexual lesbian or demisexual bisexual or Demi gay, etc. that’s the best part of the ace spectrum. I’m glad to see people talking about Demisexuality more because it’s a very tricky topic to talk about because people see it as “oh well everyone does that” but that’s not true it’s a lot of different things and it’s special. While I know I’m on the ace spectrum my only issue is figuring out if I’m bi or lesbian, but besides that
AMAZING video 🖤💜🖤💜
The Asexual Goddess you GET it. Thank you lovely 💜💜
I relate to this, except not sure whether I'm bi or straight.
Have you figured out if you are bi or lesbian? I’m in the same situation, but I’m in a long term relationship so I’m not sure how to know
@@ericab5593 not quite yet I’m still figuring it out like I kinda just wanna rule out things like internalized biphobia (just so I’m not going into lesbian spaces with that) and just trying to unpack how I truly feel and felt about men and whatnot like “are my actions derived from me actually wanting men or from seeing other ppl with men and knowing that’s the norm. Like I have this thing where I’ll like dudes cause someone else likes them or is dating them which seems shitty but like I’m finding excuses to find those qualities appealing when I really don’t care, ya know? Like it’s a lot of unpacking and I’m currently trying to see how my life would be if I center women as the focus would it be more comfortable? Is it something I can live with? What qualities do I ACTUALLY care about?
Idk if that helped but since I’m still going thru it I just thought it could. It’s especially harder for woman to know if they’re lesbian cause of comphet and whatnot so it will take some time. I knew I was bi when I was in fifth grade but now I’m severely questioning it and it’s ok to question
Whew can we start a group chat cuz 🥺
Thank you for doing this video. Being demi has made it harder for me to figure out my sexuality. Like how can you tell you're not into men when you don't experience sexual attraction in the way most other people do? I don't know what I actually like until I really like it
This was my experience too! I came out this year (I just turned 30) and I really feel like I would've figured out much sooner that I was predominantly into women if I wasn't demi
That’s a KEY question. Yeah it’s all about the different types of attraction, romantic attraction was big for me
I would say romantic would be a good way to figure it out. If you think about being romantic with both genders, how do you feel?
yess this is why Im straight/bi-curious. I've never been sexually attracted to a girl but then again ive never had feelings for one. It could change tho and im open for it
I had to figure out I'm demisexual before being able to realize I'm bisexual. Like how was I supposed to know if I'm into girls too when everybody says they like the way other girls look even if they are heterosexual girls? I wasn't even thinking of having sex with them, that must mean I'm heterosexual, right? But after realizing that could be part of being demisexual I put the pieces together and realized I think about (probably) any gender the way I think about boys, it's just that I have a harder time conecting with girls so I experienced serious attraction towards a girl only once or twice.
This past year I’ve been questioning a lot of things about myself, especially being stuck in quarantine. Finding out about this sexuality has opened so many doors for me. I’ve honestly been questioning if I’m asexual or on that scale for about a year now.
I’ve always felt indifferent about sex and low key repulsed about some aspects. I’m now going over every “crush” I’ve had on someone and all of them were very close friends.
Every time I’ve been attracted to someone it’s been aesthetically and based off of personality. Also whenever I jumped into a relationship without being close friends first, I always ended up breaking up with them because I would doubt my attraction.
I’ve been single for a couple years now and I really want a relationship. I want to be intimate (holding hands, cuddling) but can 100% do without sex. It’s so difficult finding someone who’s like me, especially with today’s hookup culture. It’s turned me off completely from using dating apps.
Same here!!!
Welcome to the club bro
Well I can't tell if I am just young, into celibacy, or if I'm asexual, or demi sexual, I just don't know like instead of me being taken out the womb and being told "you're straight" why can't I get a "this is your actual sexuality so you dont have to figure it out by yourself because you have homophobic family members and you are to scared and embarrassed to talk to ANYONE about it except random people in the comments questioning the exact same thing" manual. Ahhhh
damn,I knew I was aroallo and on the grey-aro spectrum, but now it makes me thing that I may be demiromantic
Ayyyeee 🎂 (Cake is a welcome to the community in the Ace community)
Marshall John Blount it is?!?! Omg yay I feel so welcome
@@SavonnePearson Yes!! 💜 It has been a tradition in the community via AVEN since the early 00s
What's ACE? I want cake!! And to meet more demisexual peeps!
@@claudiakittydisco3412 Ace is an abbreviation to Asexuality. And plus, it just sounds cooler.
@@SavonnePearson Yup, it comes from a sort of meme I believe saying "Cake is better than sex!". That's why cake is so often mentioned in Ace videos, since most of us would enjoy better a piece of cake than sex 😁
I thought of myself as a very sexual person before... But then i realized I was sexual only because My partners were very sexual. I used sex as a way of making sure that they loved me and liked me.
But i never Did it for My pleasure. I like THE idea of someone Being interested or not able to resist me, but i can DO without THE sex... Looking back, i never really enjoyed it.
I Did have a period where i tried to hook Up with Strangers, because I felt so insecure and self conscious about My Body that i thought that that was THE only way for me to gain approval.
I was attracted to Beautiful, yet toxic People that needed to be "saved" or "fixed... I Still am sadly.
Now, I am on a Journey to understand myself better, and to break THE chain of My old habits. I want companionship, more Than i want satisfaction...
Thanks for sharing this! It really helped me💜
Ty for sharing your experience. I resonated with the part about having sex ultimately for the benefit of one’s partner. I also resonate with the part about the idea of the desire/lust/etc a partner would have more so than the act. So you’re not alone :) ty again.
I really resonated with your comment. Like in my journey seeking validation when I was still very insecure and self conscious, I did go on sex dates, trying to get some intimacy out of but I always felt empty afterwards. In the time chatting them online and/or irl and during the act I was more enjoying the idea of someone being interested in me and desiring me, rather than the act itself.
When it comes to relationships, I've had two relationships, one lasted 2,5 year and I'm currently in one for nearly 4 years and in both relationships I would relatively sexually active with them during the honeymoon phase, usually that's when you're infatuated with the other and feel really close. However as soon as I lost that feeling and when I just didn't feel as close with them anymore on an emotional level, I did not feel like having sex with them at all, only doing when they are asking for it
Gosh, this comment hit me the most
Hi skullies! A frequently asked question I’ve gotten is “can you be demisexual and lesbian?” And I say YES. What are your thoughts? Can you relate?
This video made me think i might be demi sexual in some level 🤔
Hmmm yeah it is something to explore! A lot of people say “isn’t that normal for people? Why does this need to be a term?” But look more into it, it’s a lot more to it.
I'm a lesbian and greysexual.
I'm a bi and a demisexual myself!
Yes you can definitely be demisexual and lesbian!! Lesbians come in all forms and have a mosaic of identities. I am not demisexual but I am open to learning and exploring :)
Not me damn near crying while watching this. I've identified as this for YEARS but it's been so hard finding some consistent info or someone who actually gets what I mean by saying demi. People love to downplay that secondary or "not necessary" sexual experience as just buying time, but like it's so much more than that esp when there's SO MUCH sex in our world that's accepted and generalized. I've had people call me an alien when I try to explain being demi like wtf. Anyway, congrats and welcome. You're absolutely valid and thanks so much for the vid 😭💜🖤🤍
The first thing I need to say is I was born far too early! I am gen X and am now 55. Over the past month I have come to truly believe I am probably asexual and hearing you was astoundingly clarifying about my own experiences At my age, I never had the words for it, not even to tell myself. I am not sure any of us did. I was sure I was broken, a prude or a tease. I think demisexual fits who I am; I need to have a some type of close relationship a connection before ever having the desire to be sexually close with a person.. Every one of my relationships have been with people I have already be connected to on a close friendship level. I never understood going out on random dates, and I feel the same with dating, which lately I have tried and found myself exasperated with. I have enjoyed sex but not at all in the same way others do or expect me too. I had a fiancé who suddenly died ten years ago. Our relationship was very solid for many of the reasons you pointed out. When I think of the last time we had sex, I can vividly remember the ways we were looking into one another's eyes. I don't remember anything else about it, because that is all that mattered. I have tried to "meet people" since he died but, It's just as you say, there is no attraction without a connection.And so I have been single for almost 11 years now, somewhat satisfied with it, because I could never go back to my younger years of pretending. I want to thank you for telling your truth. It really validated my own. It also helps make sense of the part of me that has believed I am bisexual, leaning towards those who identify closer to male. I didn't understand how to find the words for that either. But it all came together. There is obviously even more of a lack of representation in my age group. It's not as if we don't exist, but so many of us don't know and don't have the words to explain. I think many older adults probably felt there was something wrong with them for years, just as I did. (I am sorry this is quite long; I wanted to give specific feedback)
Thank you for sharing your story ❤
I went on a date with people, and i just don’t feel anything. Like i could find them aesthetically attractive, i could feel that they are nice people… but i just don’t feel anything for them, I don’t feel to kiss or to hug them. I don’t even flirt with them.
I feel myself wierd for that reason.
This is so incredibly relatable! I've been on a few dates and have only felt connected to one of the ppl bc of how much we had in common and how much we talked. There was an instant bond, but it still took me some alcohol and weed to feel anything. Whenever I was sober around him I felt nothing and every physical contact was mechanical and weird, to the point where I full on dissociated during a date bc he touched my belly. I am now aware fully aware of the fact that I'm demiromantic but I was still questioning if I was demisexual, this video really opened my eyes!
I never understood when people would talk about others in a sexual way without knowing them to the point that I thought it was just a joke. Recently realizing I'm Demisexual feels so enlightening and relieving but intimidating in relationships as a whole. Thank you for going so into detail with this topic.
Savonne, this is the first video of yours that I've seen and I just want to thank you for filming and publishing this. It was a particularly bad night of feeling abnormal and questioning whether it's even valid for me to call myself bisexual if I rarely experience sexual attraction, but you speaking about your experiences with being lesbian and demisexual helped me so, so much. I really can't thank you enough for creating such a welcoming and affirming space not only in this video, but with your entire channel (which I'm lowkey bingeing now)!! You're so articulate and relaxing to listen to and I'm endlessly grateful that I found your channel when I did. Can't wait to see more content ♥️
Im 20 and 2 years ago I got into my first relationship with my boyfriend. I was curious about the sexual part but way way more about the romantic part. I just knew that sex was a thing that was a part of a relationship. During my relationship (to this day) I never really felt like I needed sex and I was thinking that there was something wrong with me because my friends were so high on the sex part and I only felt that once every few times. I even started questioning if I loved my boyfriend. This video... opened my eyes. I am almost crying. This is the PERFECT description of me. I feel like I’m not weird. Thank you so much. You don’t know how much this makes me feel like a normal person. ❤️❤️❤️
I realised recently that I am Panromantic and Demisexual I connect to people through their personality but even when I get to know someone's personality I don't feel a sexual attraction until much further down the line. Thank you Savonne for helping me understand who I am
As another black demisexual recently coming to terms with my orientation, this made me feel so seen. ❤
So, I don't like one nights stands or that sort of thing. I've only ever wanted sex with someone I was in a committed relationship with. Buuuuut I do have a very high libido and when I am in a relationship I want to have sex all the time. Like it is a make or break for me. So, I always thought that fact meant I couldn't be demi but I feel like I am. The one time I tried to have a one night stand I felt so empty and cried so much and never did it again. So idk what to think but I'm trying to figure it out! Help!
Asexual doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t like sex. Many asexual people enjoy sex! The ace spectrum is just about attraction to others. So, you may not FEEL that attraction until you are connected to them, as it sounds. That would be demi!
@Ellysaurus: Same here. You're not alone!
I'll help you figure it out - maybe you're just a heterosexual person who doesn't get anything from meaningless, casual sex. I feel the same way as you - doesn't make me anything but a plain old, boring heterosexual - because anything else that exists within that is nothing more than my personality, my values, my attitudes towards sex, and my preferences.
I label myself as demisexual and have a very high libido as well. I could go 3 times a day and enjoy it all the time BUT only with my committed partner and only if I am perfectly happy with my relationship that day. If I just like someone but we're not together I might have some fleeting sexy thoughts but that's it. If I'm with someone but only in the beginning so I don't have the most solid connection with them, then I'll want to make love from time to time but it won't feel as good as in the first case and there's a chance I'm only doing it for my partner. I don't know if I'd break up with someone over bad sex (if it's bad because they aren't even trying tho then I would for sure, but that's an issue of personality as well), but sexual satisfaction is important for me in a relationship and I can't see myself in a relationship with someone with less than half the libido I have or who doesn't enjoy sex at all. From what I understand, the demisexuality only describes who are you attracted to and why, not how high your libido is. But this is just my experience, you could be demisexual or something else, good luck in figuring it out!
@@loud6037 Or, hear me out, you might also be demisexual. Demisexual in itself isn't a sexuality, it is a microlabel that describes how you experience sexual attraction, not which gender you experience sexual attraction towards. I'm bisexual but I am also demisexual and demiromantic bc that's the way I experience romantic and sexual attraction. I could still be demi if I were straight, a lesbian, pansexual... Please don't invalidate ppl like this, saying they might just be a "boring heterosexual" implies the person is trying to be special in some way which is exhausting to hear. Plus the commenter never said they were straight, I'm not sure why you assumed that.
I loved this video, I'm pretty sure I'm demisexual and the way you talked about your experiences really resonated with me
I knew I wasn't asexual so when I first heard this term I instantly knew this was me... I generally don't HAVE a type that i stick two, but I just happen to like people who by natural occurance or choice have red hair. I am currently dating a guy who literally has 3 different natural hair colours...it's really odd. His head hair is blondish, his eye brows dark and his beard is ginger. I didn't have ANY romantic feelings for him at first and it wasn't until a year later that I did. Now we're engaged and I finally feel like this is the right thing for me.
oh boy! I really felt that ‘being a tease’ part! I like the physical touch, but I don’t need or necessarily like the ending you were talking about... lots of things to consider, thank you for bringing this up❤️
I mean.... I’ve never resonated more in my life. I have finally figured out why I’ve felt so different my whole life.. these conversations are so important. I feel like I’m just now figuring out my sexuality and I just turned 28. Wild. Thank you!
Same! 30 and finding the term this year has been so emotionally validating.
Congratulation!😊
I was researching the LGBTQ+ community for an episode of a podcast I cohost, and in trying to educate other people, I educated myself in the process and realised that I’m demisexual 😂 thank you so much for talking about your experience, I’m also bi so it’s been a real confusing time, but videos like yours help so much and make me feel less alone and more normal 💗
which podcast??
@@ece-hr5fg A Northern View :)
@@emilyburke7860 cool! i'll look for it.
Bro. For so long i was convinced that maybe i fell under asexuality but this spoke to me so loudly. Thank you
I’ve identified as bisexual since I was quite young. Recently learning the term biromantic makes me feel so much more comfortable and I’m learning about Demisexuality makes my past relationships makes so much more sense. I’ve always been most comfortable sexually after becoming emotionally close and lack of attraction because of lack of trust or connection makes soooo much sense. So thanks for this video.
This really helped me validate what I've been discovering about myself in the last 12 months. It's just very comforting to hear you repeat almost verbatim what I've thought myself about how I feel attraction. Especially the whole "prude/tease" and your take on "hook-up culture" thing really helped me a lot. :) Of course it's not the same for me completely, but as you said, it's different for everyone.
Anyway, love the video and how you made your points objectively and personal at the same time. Keep it up!
Same for me too 💚💚💚
That’s me. All of it. I didn’t even *know* there was a word for it. Thank you! Idk why, but I feel relieved...
This describes my experience exactly, though I never had a word for it or knew it was a thing. I wish I'd understood it better during the time that I was in relationships, but I'm glad people are talking about it now.
Congratulation!😊
Savonne I appreciate your videos so much. Here's why. I am a transgender woman that came out 7 yrs ago at age 55. I didn't feel bad about being trans although I hid from the perceived repercussions. I felt bad because I was confused why I wasn't like everyone else regarding sex. I was and am attracted to women so living as a guy worked regarding women. But I never felt comfortable having sex before I felt romance. I was married 18 yrs. I have only had 4 sex partners but romantically kissed around 30 women. I never pursued intercourse. All 4 of my partners initiated it. I thought it was because I was emotionally female. I would try to explain it to people but couldn't. It wasn't a moral issue. It just didn't feel right. Thank you so much for helping me understand even more who I am.
As a fellow lesbian on the asexual spectrum I could really really relate with a lot of the experiences you shared in this video! So thank for making this! ♥️
Off topic but this might be the 1st video on RUclips that doesn’t have a dislike. My heart is so warm for some reason
First stumbled upon the term of demisexuality when the autism videos part of my algorithm gave me a video on it. And I do relate to it a lot. It’s probably not a label I’m consciously going to use, but it’s nice to see that ‘not having a type’ and me not really ever falling for people I know little about is more common, and has a name. I’m still just going to be a ‘straight man’ and for as much as I care, that how I’ll define myself.
Here via your reddit post, I'm demi and bi, lots of things you've said ring true for myself. I think you give a pretty awesome explanation of demisexuality all round, thank you!
Girl wtf this hits so close to home!!
I found out abt my demisexuality bc of my friend who came out and I wanted to learn about it and as I watched videos and did research I realized I related so much to what I was seeing!
I have a boyfriend, my first one in fact. I met him in high school and I suddenly developed my first actual crush towards him. I wanted to be close with him, hold hands and stuff. I wasnt thinking about him sexually because well- I was a teenanger 😭 I was so confused with my feelings because I never felt that sort of rush of emotions towards a guy and I felt scared to come clean, so I lasted 2 years with him on my mind and having no confidence in telling him "Hey I kinda like you"😭
It wasnt until MONTHS into college where we were both 18, and sadly in separate universities, that HE confessed TO MEEE and I started thinking abt kissing and how I felt comfortable doing that with him. As we went on he brought up the idea of intimacy. I at first felt uncomfortable and not ready and he was SO understanding I lob him sm ue ue,, and once we finally did it felt so right?? I never saw anyone the way I saw him. It started as "wow this guy is cool" > "ok hes REALLY cool and fun??" > "wtf why do I like him so much?????" > "I HAVE A CRUSH ON HIM?!?!?!?!"
I never felt like this towards any boy. MY MOM THOUGHT I WAS A LESBIAN BECAUSE SHE TOLD ME "Girl you never talk about boys" BECAUSE THEYRE NOT INTERESTING ENOUGH
I feel so connected to him hes my pookie (cringe)
Were 4 years and 7 months in :3
I’m literally 2 minutes into this half hour video and I just hit the subscribe button. Jesus Christ🔥🔥🔥
Thank you very much. Your video helped me to shrug off the "Am I so weird and alone that I desire sex this way?". Turns out it is not weird. It is normal. And it is beautiful
It was reversed for me I figured out I was Demi-sexual before then taking on the label of lesbian. I felt that I wasn't Demi-sexual enough because I had random sexual attraction to different woman so I am now trying to come to terms with how I feel in my asexuality. Congrats on the personal discovery!
I think I'm def. demisexual but also I feel like it's unreasonable to ask someone to deal with my back and forth with emotional connection. I don't know how to relationship knowing how I am lol
Saaame😔
Same
Same
So relatable
Don't worry, it's not unreasonable at all! If someone can't respect your feelings and decisions regarding if the connection you have is satisfying/close enough for you to make love at the moment or not, then you're not compatible or they don't care enough about you or both. There are also plenty of demisexual people of any gender, or at least people who feel in a similar way, who will understand your struggle and won't be bothered by your back and forth. It's better to be single than in a relationship where you feel anxious to express yourself and communicate your feelings anyway.
Man, I have been coming to terms lately with my demisexuality and I feel like it explains my past behavior and period of hypersexuality so much. I feel like there was a time in my life where I felt a societal pressure or expectation to be able to enjoy casual sex during my college years and I kept chasing it wondering why I kept feeling kinda detached and needy when attempting to engage in casual sex, or would even sometimes try to form an emotional bond in the aftermath for the sake of feeling like the sexual act was validated or meant something. It just feels so much better now to understand that I don't really have the natural capacity to separate sex from feelings, and that's okay.
Congratulation!
Not only is it just *okay* to not separate sex from feelings, that's how it *should* be. Maybe it's my own demi sexuality talking but I can't imagine sex without love.
@@stardusstie you are right!
A lot of this hits home, even though I’m still not quite sure where on the ace spectrum I am. I feel so hard for exes insisting on sex and just giving it to them, cause they wanted it. My ex would be minding his own business, then start kissing me up etc., but promptly go back to their business as soon as I didn’t show interest in “the end”. At that point, I felt like a sentient sex-toy.
I’m so glad to see there’s other people out there who are also on the ace spectrum
OMG I'm feeling so normal. I literally cry.
Dude I'm glad I came across your video. I honestly thought I was a horrible person for the way my partners have treated me because of my sexuality. Every single woman I've been with to hook up has never not once made me finish and every single time they've been mad at me because of it. As a guy it's very frustrating, I always thought somethings wrong with me or I'm gay but I also tried that and it didn't help at all.
I always try to hook up because it's the only form of intimacy that I have access too but I've always used it as a form of self harm as well. I really want to make someone else feel happy but I myself have never been happy. It makes more sense now why I want to hug/kiss/cuddle or hold hands with someone I like more than sex. All I crave is someone to be intimate with and not have all that pressure of sex looming over me. Thank you for helping me on my journey.
Oh god the stuff you said 13:20 - 13:50 that speaks to me so deeply ! That happens so much and I feel really wrong all the time😢
Today was the day I found out I'm a demisexual person. And this LITERALLY liberated me.
Now I understand WHY people try so hard to put label on some abstract ideas (don't know if abstract is a right word here but excuse me for my lack of English knowledge).
There was always a question around me that "Why are you just attracted to your partner?", "maybe you haven't been around people enough to go with another person" and there is a feeling that someday I'm going to cheat my partner because I am attracted to just one person in whole my life.
now I can breaaaath!
Thank you for this video! I'm demisexual but often question myself when I read something about demisexuality and don't relate to it.
I really like your point about the fact that you are what you identify to *most* with.
Congratulation!
Honestly for me figuring out my sexuality is tough because it honestly feels like I haven’t lived long enough. Like, I’m only 17. I can’t always tell what’s a crush or not and any signs that have “sex” in them aren’t something I can relate to because that’s not even something remotely on my horizon. And then it’s confusing when there’s sexual attraction and romantic attraction … idk. I think it’s best to figure it out if I can, but also not to let not knowing get in the way of doing anything.
Thank you for this video. Hearing your perspective was affirming for me as someone exploring if ace feels like a proper title. Some videos about demisexual/ace are so strict in definition. But so many points you made, I connected with
My whole life I thought I was broken.... I could never understand why I felt the way I did....and this is why. Thank u.
So on point! Thanks, Savonne!
Amy Sheffield thank YOU for watching!
I relate to this 110%. Being lesbian and demi was so confusing at first because like you said not everything in the comphet doc resonated with me. thanks for posting this !!
Omg. I can relate to so much of this, I didn’t know that this had a name, I’m so glad I found this! Thank you.
Can I just say that, not only was this video very informative, uplifting and reassuring, but also very calming, you have a lovely voice and a nice vlogging style.
Congratulation!😊
It's hard to not be able to feel sexually aroused by someone attractive you recently met, specially for guys, you start thinking you may have ED or health issues, but in your mind you're just not really connected to that other person, I still try my best to make them feel good even when I'm not really enjoying myself at all
good video
Deep down I know I am, the thing is that I haven’t really had a crush on anyone of any gender, I haven’t even been in the “talking stage”. For like a day I thought I had a “crush” on a friend but it just went away 💀. I know when someone’s attractive but doesn’t matter to me. I don’t know what my sexuality after the Demi part.. I’m just lost tbh.
I feel you so much. I just recently got into a relationship (well recently in terms of my own understanding, we are actually together for about one and a half year) and I never once experienced attraction to a person, before I met my partner. Not even now I am sure whether I have a specific gender I am (even romantically) attracted to, even though I deep down believe it just doesn't matter, because the only thing that matters for me is the kind of connection I have with my partner. I always felt so lost when friends were talking about their crushes. But I have to admit that it feels kind of amusing hearing them talk about how certain videos make them go ... or when they see someone walking by and you see how attracted they are, while you are just standing there minding your own business or maybe just looking at this person thinking "Okay, yeah she*he is very beautiful" or sometimes you feel even fascinated by their looks but it is more like admiring a wonderfully executed painting and looking at the carefully applied strockes of the pencil.
@@rubycuby67 I make dating/wanting to be someone’s Gf jokes all the time especially with fictional characters 💀 do I mean them.. no. People think I’m serious about, and I was confused by that.
I didn’t think people actually were attracted by a person they’ve never met/a fictional character. I thought it was just a big meme. At the time I didn’t even know what Demi even meant so I thought everyone thought/felt the same as me. When I actually thought I had a crush, I just realized I just wanted to know the person/I admired the person. If it wasn’t for the internet I probably would’ve been even more confused. 😭
Oh my god thank you. I’ve been feeling so lost trying to figure out why I can’t seem to experience desire for sex early on in knowing someone, and this really helped me understand myself better.
how can I like this infinite times??? this defines my whole life experience thanks so much
Yesterday I was talking in therapy about how the labels have been helping me to understand my sexuality, even if I feel that it's fluid and that I don't fit 100% in that box.
Discovering that I'm lesbian and continuing not having that sexual drive that the society says we must have was hard, now seeing myself as demi it's getting a little bit easer.
it'll continue to get easier for you, I promise.
It's been a liberating realization for me, I feel so much lighter now that I'm sure I'm demisexual!
I feel so validated. Thank you for sharing your story. Any time I have been in a relationship the idea of whether I am sexually attracted to them or not has been something I was constantly analyzing and trying to force and ends up putting pressure on the relationship. That is, me putting the pressure on myself. Now I feel confident that I can take relationships slow and see if that attraction develops without worrying about forcing it. Makes it hard to figure out if I'm straight or not though lmao because I've literally never been sexually attracted to anyone.
lol I once thought that I was demisexual because I heard someone explain a very simplified definition of what it is to me. Now I know more about this sexuality and I’ve discovered that I’m not demisexual I just didn’t fully understand what it was although I may identify with some aspects of it. Thanks for helping me clear this up
I definitely get seeing the aesthetic attraction but not having a desire to act on it. I somewhat recently came on the concept of being demi sexual and I think it aligns with how I feel about things with people.
I am so glad I found this community as I always felt like there is something wrong with me as I was called prude or tease all the time. I tried everything to fit in, but always were left feeling lonley and isolated in my relationships.
This video describes me to a T. Thank you so much❤
Thanks so much for this video. I've been dealing with imposter syndrome about being demisexuel for a little while now. This video helped alot.
this video is giving me so many epiphanies and im so thankful i came across it. i actually found the term demisexuality back when i was still in high school, which was like 8 years ago or something and i kinda related to it but it was also difficult for me to really trust my gut because i had never had any sexual experiences or relationships at that point.
now that i have i feel like the demisexual label just feels more and more right to me. its crazy when you were talking about the “being a tease” part because i distinctly remember saying “idk, sometimes a good make out session is just soo much better than actually having sex” and my ex-partner just didnt get that part at all and just kept going on about how great sex is. its also interesting to me that my sex partners have not been “conventionally attractive” and i wasnt crazily physically attracted to them to begin with but somehow after getting to know them and establishing this emotional connection they became attractive to me? and whats even more interesting after breaking up i lost any sense of sexual attraction to them, i guess because the emotional bond was just damaged or gone and i suddenly couldnt imagine sleeping with them ever. but im not sure if thats a demi experience or maybe also allo people feel the same way after a break up?
ive thought many times to myself that i love sex in theory and in my imagination but that irl its always just felt meh to me and i could do without it. somehow now that i have met my current partner i finally understand why people are so obsessed with sex. i dont know what it is about him but i he fundamentally changed the way i think about sex. i do think that a big part is also due to the fact that we engage in bdsm and that to me requires a huuuge amount of emotional connection things. and also just because it feels like i have finally found my person :)
idk, i just think its so neat to have the internet and access to these resources and to find more representation and to learn more about yourself. so thanks for this great video, im gonna finish watching it now!
edit: omg!!! i just got to the part where you talk about how your experience with sexual attraction to a person changed after breaking up!!! i feel so seen! :)
Thank you so much for this. I was feeling so confused in my last relationship. Continuously doubting my attraction to them. Now i finally get that i just didn't feel safe and emotionally bonded. It resonated most when you said 'when you feel you cant tell them everything and they throw the things you tell them back at you''. That was a major thing that made me lose attraction.
I love this video! I wish there was a group/place to meet other people who feel like this and discuss our experiences, to learn more about the spectrum. I'm sure others feel like me, very lonely in these feelings, having no one who understands.
I’ve been going through the same phase lately - feeling demi but not having enough proof to identify myself - and this video helped me a lot. It all clicks now! Thanks!
hey! i just found you channel and honestly i've been looking for one exactly like yours for Months. i hope it's okay that i share my feelings because watching your videos has helped a lot of my doubt. sorry if it's long but i would love to express my feelings because i never knew how to word them, and i hope someone else out there can relate. get ready for the biggest case of comp het yall have ever seen
i used to consider myself straight because all my gay friends knew since middle school so i felt that if i didnt already Know, then that cant be me. i never really "liked" anyone until i was 14, and i grew up "picking" which boys to crush on (you can see where this is going) until I watched criminal minds when i got the BIGGEST crush on spencer reid (,,,i know). it wasnt until the 5th season when he had long hair that i started feeling attraction, but once i was more familiar with his character i fell in love with him lmao. but despite my feelings, i never wanted to do anything sexual with them? like i get butterflies looking at him and i love the theory of creating these perfect fanfiction stories with him but i never wanted to have sex with him like other reid fans did. at this point i considered myself bi ace because i didnt really feel strongly about boys more than girls. however, i was always scared to fully label because there was a part of me that was worried my feelings would change as i got older. THEN at the start of this year, i found the comp-het masterdoc and it literally changed my life. i realized that ive crushed on girls since fifth grade and although i for sure felt very strong feelings towards male fictional characters, they were the only men ive been attracted to. so for the past six months, ive been going back and forth between lesbian and bisexual because every time i feel validated in lesbianism, this Huge feeling of doubt takes over and tells me "what if you find a guy that meets your standards and you'll be attracted to them." also, im not very sexual (i dont really have a sex drive? man idk) so that makes me feel like less of a lesbian because there's a big culture around porn and the Universal Lockeroom Experience. i'm probably somewhere on the ace spectrum, but i for sure feel some type of way watching lesbian tiktokers and like you said im sorta hoping that i feel those "fireworks" once im with a girl because i really love them!!! also apparently a lot of lesbians think theyre bi ace when theyre younger so thats sorta validating?(by the way, im seventeen and have never dated anyone.) i know that im the only one who can label myself, but i keep feeling like i need someone else to validate that im a lesbian because whenever i read that "lesbians are NOT attracted to men" (which is completely true) it worries me that my attraction to spencer reid or me second-guessing myself when i see a cute androgynous boy means i cant be a lesbian. it seems like such a definitive jump to say im not attracted to men even if that's basically true. i know people say itll take time and you dont need to label yourself, but i physically Need to know exactly what i am, and i feel like im this close,,, anyway, your masterdoc vids really validate my ?lesbianism? so thank you so much for what you do. anyway thats enough oversharing on the internet i need to go to therapy :))
Hey girly, thanks for sharing your story. Watch the episode of the Masterdoc called “but I like male celebrities...” I think it will really help you.
You sound pretty lesbian to me 😉
I.understand
Savonne Pearson thanks i really appreciate you reading my rambling haha!! do you have any advice for overcoming certain doubts about identity? it’s been hard for me to 100% accept it even though i’ve had this suspicion for months
awesome.autry trust your instincts! You know you better than anyone
I knew I was Demisexual from the moment I learned what the word meant. I’m Demiromantic too, as well.
Watching your video is what I've been feeling for so many years. I'm so glad i came across your video.
Congratulation!😊
Seeing so many videos and reading so much information on this in the past week to try to understand a possible friend has me wondering how so many people know the way I think. Thank you so much for an in depth look into your story. 🥰🥰🥰
O MY GOD, MY MIND DOESN'T BLOWING ANYMORE THANK YOU
This video. I’ve never felt more seen in my entire life I’ve felt so lost for so fucking long and this video is the biggest sigh of relief. I thought I was broken for years I’ve always felt so scared of sex with someone without feeling safe or secure. I’ve ALWAYS felt so guilty when I didn’t want to have sex with any of my partners. There is a word to describe myself and I’m not a freak or a tease or a prude. I can finally explain to people why I’m this way thanks again for this video it’s really eye opening.
I'm straight, and I related to 99.9 per cent of this video. Thank you, for affirming who I am. Another video said Demi's love other people's soul with our own. It is a deeper love. Thanks again for this affirmation. Well done.
I found out about asexuality at age 46 and identified as asexual the instant I finished reading the definition. I felt the deep need to know what kind of asexual I am. Now, I have been living life as a heterosexual woman for 20 years and being treated by my husband and others as if I were broken or deficient the whole time. I experienced an almost unimaginable lifting of guilt when I found all this out, accompanied by relief and a rush of self-acceptance and self-love when I decided that I am a polyromantic demisexual. We now have more LGBTQIA+ kids than not, so I am learning all I can to be supportive and (appropriately) protective of them, too. I also believe my late mother was most definitely asexual. Life just makes sense now. My spouse is now bisexual and trans, so let's just say that life is exceptionally colorful around here and I'm still experiencing waves of relief. I really appreciated hearing your story. Thank you for putting this out.
Thank you for sharing! 🖤 I thought maybe something was wrong with me as I never experienced sexual attraction the same way as my friends and sisters have. I relate so much to what you've said about your experiences, and I finally feel a bit more normal 😅
Congratulation!😊
Wow… you have no idea how much appreciate this video. Thank you so much. ❤️ While researching gray sexuality in order to help my son understand his feelings. At 51, watching this video, I could literally feel the wheels clicking and this side of my life finally made sense! 💕😊
Thank you very much for making this video and sharing your experience. I relate to that feeling of being an “imposter” because I’ve identified as a lesbian pretty much all my life, but I never identified with all the expected beats if that makes sense. I recently realised how much I connected to Demisexuality and it just clicked. And they come together and helped me make much more sense of the attractions and stuff I’ve been having all my life. Your video really validated a lot of that too, so thank you. 💕
It is so weird how I came across this video because I ask myself these questions like "Am I still attracted to men?" "Why do I not feel sexually atrracted to men like I used to?" "Why I don't think about my exes or someone that may want a romantic relationship with me but not them?" Those kind of questions be getting to me, especially thinking about my own experiences. So, thanks for sharing! Now, I don't feel as weird about it anymore and know it's not because of COVID😌
Almost in tears over how relatable this is - so much of it checks out and I have been struggling for years trying to figure out what is wrong with me or why its so hard for me to have "Normal relationships". I've gone back and forth on if I'm straight but asexual, if I'm bi but too picky, or if I just have some underlying problem with my libido. I have struggled to feel in place with my LGBTQ+ community because I didn't seem to know exactly what I wanted (tease) or I didn't appear consistent with my preferences. Every one of my relationships has been a friends that became more, and I found myself putting out with people earlier than I wanted to because I wanted them happy - basically everything you said rings true for me. Around pride this year I discovered the term Demisexual - and It was like all my past behaviors started to make sense. The guilt and shame I had been feeling turned into some deeper understanding about who I might actually be. I recently have had some down time to finally research the term a bit more and your video was one of the first I came across since this discovery and has been SOOOOO impactful. Thank you for helping me feel less like a weirdo. I finally feel like I can be proud of who I am and my preferences when it comes to my relationships. ❤
I am soooo late to this post, but really just wanted to show appreciation, as this was REALLY validating for me. Especially the part where you mentioned being called "prude" and how I've never been a " one-night stand kind of person". Also, in focusing more on my wants and self-discovery, I've been struggling with labeling: bi versus pan versus the possibility of being more asexual leaning. Without making my comment too wordy lol, just know that your content really made a light bulb go off for me!!!!!!!
You have such a kind and inviting personality! Thank you for sharing your story. Loved your snippet on labels! As a Bisexual/Biromantic identifying mom, I experience a lot of imposter syndrome and erasure so that part really resonated for me.
I’ve identified as demi for a while but this put it into words in ways I’ve never been able to. The part about what does turn us on really resonated with me: chiefly needing to feel safe and connected through our thoughts not just our bodies- Especially after a lifetime of misunderstandings and putting my needs to the side because I thought it was best for my partners. Now I realize it’s unfair to both of us, we have to be honest with ourselves and find someone who honors that. Thank you!
Edit: I also love how you described how attraction can ebb and flow for those of us in relationships, we really have to feel a deep connection and even with one partner that bond comes and goes. There isn’t necessarily a level of connectedness that you can get to and never go back, in my experience it has to be worked on continuously.
Never in a million years I would've thought that other people feel the same as I do, and check nearly all the same boxes. All this time I felt so misunderstood, lonely and some kind of guilt for being that way and not being able to be somebody else. I'll be more compassionate with myself from now on, as we say, self discovery is a never ending journey. I'm sure sharing your experience helped alot of people, as it helped me. Thank you :)
This video has saved me. My whole life literally makes sense. Thank you ❤️❤️
Labels aren't there as prisons, they are there as lighthouses! Guides in the darkness of understanding the complexity of ourselves
Being demisexual explained all of my adult history and everything just clicked, whay I didn't enjoy sex and that I was always doing it for them, why I was unhappy, why I went through all of labels and couldn't find myself in them, why I didn't like dating and instead was looking for a friendship...
wow this video is amazing, thank you so much for that! i recently found myself demisexual and i feel that i know me so much better after saw this video, all my life is going through my head over and over
throughout this week i've been in doubt whether i'm demi or not. after i found out about it i started to relate to it a lot but i was still in doubt. so throughout this past days i've been eating myself watching many videos talking about demissexuality and reading lots of comments on the videos but i felt like everyone was just saying more of the same and nothing but the meaning of demissexuality. today ur video popped up in my yt home and decided to watch it. When i saw the video had 30min i already knew it wasn't going to be more of the same. ur video helped to be more certain about it. thank you for this.
Thanks for talking about labels, it’s always been a wrestle with me. I know they can help but they can also hinder and create a barrier. I feel It’s a personal choice if you want to use a label or not.
I may just cried, because everything you said I could relate to...and I was SO worried before because she’s the first woman I’m with and I kept thinking maybe I’m just not into woman, because I don’t have this high desire in sex, especially in the beginning. But then there were like little moments, were I felt so close to her and I was just so turned on like never in my life, and it just left me so confused...I thought what the hell is going to turn me on? Maybe I am asexual?! But there it is..it’s connection. Oh my god...I was even thinking I might have to break up with her in order to find out but that would’ve been just dumb...I just always thought something was wrong with me, and to hear someone else say this, is just so releasing 🧡
Also what you said about blurring lines in friendships...hell yes, HELL YES. I am bisexual and I had this happen to me a lot, but didn’t realize it at that time, and now it just all makes sense. So thank you SO MUCH for making this video ♥️
I’m gonna talk to my girlfriend now 😅