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Thank you, I really appreciate you talking about these aspects and even from a intersectional point of view! ❤😊

wow, I wish I were more in touch with accurate information like yours to understand myself better in the past. :)

I consider myself demisexual and I'm a ballroom dancer. What you say about touch is correct it doesn't have to be romantic or sexual.

It’s more like an emotional bond than everything else. A person can indeed be a hetero, homo, lesbian or whatever, as long there is no emotional connection I consider it Demi-sexual. It is true that it’s very very difficult to find the right person to connect with.

Not caring about Sex with other people is a thing. I'm demi and I still have a libido though. My body demands, what my head can't provide with (most) real people. I dont see people on the street and am attracted to them for sexy time. I see beautiful people for what they are - beautiful people and not a potenti sex partner. My body still has needs, who are not in line with my head. I've talked to full aces, who are sexually active with themselves, because they have a libido that needs satisfaction. I also flirt with some people, because it's funny or banter or funny banter. I have fantasies in my head but I can't live them with people, because sexual feelings are lacking.

That's actually quite complicated than I thought. So you claim you're kinky demi asexual? That doesn't make sense to me

I just learned that this is what I am the other few days but it shouldn't be a term for being a normal person who wants something real and not superficial. I don't know who came up with a term for just not wanting to be a whore. Anyways, I was watching something about Marilyn Monroe and they were saying how she's demisexual and so I had to go and learn what it was and wow! I have so much in common with that women as a blk man it's crazy but I always wondered if something was wrong with me sexually. How come I can't enjoy sex with one or two partners like most normal gay men but I'm blessed to not be that way because I must really be into you and like you enough to sleep with you to enjoy it. I can't just go around sleeping with just anything and I think God I'm this way. I was always this way even when I was in my younger years as a gay male and it's why I got my feelings hurt alot. It's because most of those men didn't want the real thing which hurts the gay community is built on sex. I thought I found someone I liked and appreciated until he got upset I spoke about dating guys. Me and this guy spoke about being friends so what he did was really childish. he stopped calling and responding to my text but that's okay because he was going through a separation anyways unwilling to get a divorce as he lied to himself he will. I don't need that stress and drama in my life. I feel more alive and happy when I connect with someone I really like

I think I have chronic depression, but different from what you describe. With me it's more like I can't motivate myself to do anything, because it all seems so useless. If I didn't have obligations like work and family I would probably just melt into a puddle of lethargy going from one existential crisis to another. The old 'what's the point of it all, we're all going to die anyway' chestnut.

I guess I am demisexual too, in that I can only have sex with someone with whom I share a deep emotional bond. But like you, I love hugging and cuddling and kissing in a non-sexual way. But being a guy, people automatically assume that that is what you're aiming for. So I find myself craving some form of physical human contact without a way to fulfill it. Pauvre moi.

Im also from the same minority of demisexuals as you, therefore Thank you a lot Nadja for this explanation!

I don't flirt by touch, it means more to me for some reason. I love hugging everyone though platonic or not. ❤

This video really helped me come to terms with how I feel with my demisexuality, really appreciate you and your kind words!

Thank you for sharing this

We sounds we nearly alike. i am also demisexual, but i can be really sexual if i find a patner i get attracted to. i am also pansexual. i am also polyamorous. i am also a kinky person, i like BDSM alot and from times to times i am also into feets (only womens feets).

6:51 OMG YES. That is a real big part of it for me! It can take me anything to weeks, months or years to fall for someone, but if I have *any* second where I can sense that potential, that's normally the moment I fall for them! Omg, finally someone put it into words. I would also love to have a man who wear pj's, or just something in general, because I do think people are more attractive with clothes on.

I have been looking for this video. Like I don't feel asexual at all!

This has been the most helpful video I've seen on demisexuality, actually addressing sex and that demi people can want that and like that and discussing how they form some sexual relationships and relaise somethings not quite there, this has been really eye opeining to me and I think I'm realsising and accepting I am demisexual

Can you explain what if you're both demisexual and demiromantic? Double demi. There's not much information on this. I'm asking because I'm heterosexual but I don't conform to a lot of what society thinks a woman should act like. I'm not going to wear a frilly baby pink dress and play house. Instead it's my motorcycle boots and gear and go ride my bike and watch hockey fights. A lot of yang energy here within me. I can recognize a handsome guy but the first thing in my mind isn't what he's working with, but who is as a person. Does kick his dog every temper tantrum he has or bad mouths women or does he helps wounded veterans and fosters kittens? Personality is key for me. For example, growing up all my female friends would swoon over Leonardo DiCaprio and the Titanic. The romantic story. He's so pretty. I'm like " yeah, but is he a pretty asshole?" I tell them, " I don't like romantic stories. I rather laugh when sh*t blows up in movies!" I like the way the guy looks but I have to spend copious amounts of time with that guy to get to know him, try to connect intellectually and emotionally in order to figure out if I like him or not. There's no such thing as love at first sight. That's some Disney B's that were fed to us as kids. There's no prince charming. There are men who are charming but by no means a prince. ( I am really attracted to intelligent men. That's the first thing I notice. ) then I start thinking about romantic stuff, and then sexual desire follows last. I think I might be both. However, intelligence is number one on my radar. The guy doesn't have to be a looker, but needs to hold a conversation. Intense deep meaningful conversations is what is sexy to me. If a guy can't do that, then he will just hear me talk about the food while we're eating for most of the date night because I have lost my attention thus, my interest has declined. 😂

6:52 I can recognize myself here. The term potential also exists in my world.

❤ I struggled with this for years as well and sadly it was not only two years but closer to 2 decades! I was ALWAYS the loneliest person in my social circles and it really took a toll on my sense of security, my sense of direction and by the age of 22 I was in a very real crisis. I thought I was born in the wrong time, from a different dimension and I had problems with intimacy due to my turbulent childhood. Then when I finally found someone who I could be intimate with and who understood me, I began experiencing these questions from my friends and family who looked at my relationship and said how they couldn’t understand what I had in common with my S.O. 😢 They also said that I was attracted to him because he was so handsome and he had money and just on and on. It really hurt my faith in the relationship It made me question my own motives perception and judgment But luckily he loved me and still loves me so much that he would give me the space and emotional safety to question. He is my rock and best friend. I’m truly blessed. Also I feel blessed for those who have shared their experiences and knowledge on this. It’s not always easy to find the strength and courage to share personal parts of ourselves with anyone never mind the internet! So I just wanted to say thank you for putting yourself out there and for helping people like myself out by sharing your own experiences and insights. Love might make the world turn but it’s up to us to keep putting the love out there so that there’s plenty to go around and to keep the world turning.❤

Thanks a lot for making that video ! I'm 20 and I struggled for years to understand my sexuality. Thanks to you I understand now that demisexuality is more like a spectrum, and I'm finally sure that I'm a part of it now :)

Same I have sexual thoughts and imagination but rarely, only one time in my life I have found someone “hot” or sexually atractive Never have hooked up I need sex in a emotional, stable relationships contexts and even then I don’t have much libido around sex (I feel aroused but not wanted to have sex) Ppl often call me liar, prude or boring Thank you I think I might be demi

Thank you for this video.

Beautiful flag.

Hello from Romania 🇷🇴🇷🇴🇷🇴!!!! Thank you for this video!!!

Thanks for sharing, I appreciate that you explain a lot of the things I feel too.

Thank you very much for the video, this has really helped me be a bit more open with the label and maybe identify with it (I do relate a lot with many of the points you talked about) And I think this clears why I never really understood the excitement of other girls when they saw a shirtless man lol

Thank you so much for this video! It’s cleared up so much confusion for me 💜

Thank you for this. The term demisexual has been suggested to me by both a therapist I used to see years ago and a close friend just recently. I find it very hard to find someone that I am romantically attracted to. And i can't see myself having sex with someone that I am not romantically attracted to. I have little interest in dating and 0 interest in going out to hook up with or even flirt with strangers. These things suggest something in the demi space. But other aspects of my sexual experience have been more typical. I can readily feel sexually attracted to strangers or people I do not know well. And I have had crushes on people that I only recently met. I have had a pretty typical relationship with pornography. In fact, I am often hypersexual due to being bipolar. But I feel a huge gulf between my sexual experience and the way others describe theirs. I have never had sex with a stranger and I get crushes very seldomly. I sometimes struggle with self esteem and blame myself for being single the majority of my adult life. But if I am objective, I recognize that my lack of dating isn't due to inability to find dates. I know I could if I looked for them. But I lack the desire to seek it out. I sometimes feel lonely. I live alone and I think sometimes having a roommate would help. Sometimes I wish I had a sex partner. But the drive for those things just isn't strong enough to motivate me orient my life around finding them. If a connection pops up in my life, I would embrace it. I could easily fall head first into it. I can have strong emotional and sexual feelings. But unless something like that falls into my lap, I don't spend much time thinking about it. I do feel like demisexual describes aspects of my experience, but I definitely do not feel asexual. Sometimes I have a very low sex drive/sex repulsion, but it is rare and I tend to think of it as changes in my libido related to bipolar disorder. I have been trying to figure out why my sex life is so empty and why I only partially care. I think demisexual may be a good word for me but I know that my experience is not exactly the same as others who identify with that term.

Good video ❤️❤️❤️

Thank you 💜

Great video, I now recognize that I am demisexual as well. Thank you!

That's why I don't really like the word much, even though I do identify as demisexual. Because the word "demi" in my language literally means "half", and I don't feel half-sexual by any means (quite the opposite). It took me a few years to take on the label because it was considered to be on the asexuality spectrum. Then again, I discovered the concept when I was already with my partner and looking back, I *wasn't* a very sexual person until I met him and became attracted to him. (I also identify as unisexual).

"Flirting to me is not a means to get into someone's pants" omgosh yes! So true I feel like because I am very flirty and playful in that way ppl who maybe allosexual get confused and mistake that with sexual attraction. I can also flirt with someone and get turned on by something they say or do and still not be sexually attracted to them bc I do not desire them sexually but may enjoy the flirting and banter. I think the problem is demisexual is usually talked about in a way that links sexual arousal with sexual attraction and ppl will say blanket statements like oh demisexuals will not/ can not blah blah but they are conflating the 2 which are vastly different. Plus the whole not have a type thing doesn't make sense since it assumes things like aesthetic attraction does not exist but it does and although not typical it is possible for a demisexual so establish a deep bond with a person in a short amount of time and then be sexually attracted to them. It is possible for demisexual's to sometimes find ppl they don't need an emotional bond with to feel sexually attracted too, even though that would not be the norm.

Thank you for this video!! I've been waffling back and forth on my sexuality, worrying I'm "not ace enough" to be demi, but I really connect with your experiences and this made me feel a lot better about using the label :)